Marriage doubts

Marriage doubts


your avatar   AJ, 20-year-old woman

My fiance and I are getting married in four weeks and I feel like he just doesn't love like he used too anymore. We have been so in love since the day we met and now when we are so close to having it all, it feels like it is all slipping away. How do I know what to do? I don't want to make a mistake; this is the rest of my life. Please give me some advice.


    Jerry Button, L.M.H.C.

Dear AJ,

There is no way for me to know when you posted this question, so I'm not sure whether my answer will be in time to help you reach a decision or not. The answer is, IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!

Marriage is a major commitment and it has all sorts of emotional, legal and social ramifications. I cannot, of course, know what your reasons for marrying are, but if they include the "standard brand" traditional reasons for marrying in America, then I would definitely not go through with a wedding when I was unsure of the feelings of my partner. You don't have to say never, all you have to do is say, not now, and not until we straighten out this thing that is bothering me.

Maybe your fiance is just scared of getting married. Maybe it's something more serious, but make sure the relationship is sound and rewarding and something that you want to last a lifetime before you say "I doŁ." As you know from all the statistics, marriages have only about a 50/50 chance of surviving under the best of circumstances. Help yours beat the odds by being sure the love on which it is founded is genuine and not just an infatuation.

AT 20 it may be difficult to be so hard headed, but it will pay off in the end.

Good Luck!
Jerry Button, L.M.H.C.

This question was answered by Jerry Button. Jerry is a psychotherapist, personal development trainer, workshop presenter and relationship coach practicing in Delray Beach, Florida. He believes that the key to quality of life lies in relationships. His approach to interpersonal and emotional problems is relational and psychodynamic. Jerry is experienced working with individuals, children and families and welcomes challenging opportunities.For more information visit:

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