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May 25, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Pleasure Problem

Question:

I'm a female, 20 years old, and I've been having sex for 2 years - the past year with the same partner. I have been masturbating at least since the age of 6. I am an Atheist and a bit of a free spirit, so I don't have any hang ups about enjoying myself and I've thoroughly explored my body, thank you!

The problem is, I'm at a loss! I've never had an orgasm in my life and all the self-help out there just says "get rid of your hang ups and learn how to masturbate right". But this isn't my problem! I'm a healthy woman, I have a loving partner, and I love to masturbate as well! I enjoy vibrators, fingers, tongues... everything! I've tried G-spots, working out the PC muscles, tantric, this that and practically the kitchen sink! The only thing I've not done is gone to a professional therapist (I'm a little too poor for that right now). I can get myself worked up and as soon as I think I'm going to orgasm, I suddenly get too sensitive to touch anymore. After this happens if I try to continue, at best all I can do is repeat the sudden sensitivity. So is this weird or what? I don't get any "release" of pleasure, no PC contractions, but is it possible to have just "incomplete orgasms?" Am I experiencing something weird that's blocking me from stimulating myself over the edge? For both of these things, what should I do to solve my problem?

Liz, 20-year-old woman

Answer:

I wish I could tell you the solution is easy and an orgasm is just around the corner. However, there are other women like you . . . uninhibited, comfortable with masturbation and toys, get hotter than hell, almost reach the peak and then they either lose all sensation or, like you, become too sensitive.

You have tried every suggestion I would have made, and I cannot imagine what more a sex therapist would add. My bet is that there is an "orgasm pill" on the horizon, but it is not yet available . . . although it is badly needed.

All I can suggest, albeit thin soup for a starving woman, is that you not beat yourself up, that you not become discouraged, and that you continue to find pleasure in all the wonderful ways you have experienced. If you learn to enjoy the process and not focus on the goal, there is a chance that someday it will happen . . . but if not, you will still be having fun.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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