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November 18, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Sexual Orientation Issues


I've felt like I was bi-sexual from a young age. My family has always been open about sex, lesbians, and gays ever since I started asking questions. I have a 21-year-old bisexual friend.

I dream about females and males and often wish I could have sex with both genders. However, I've only had sexual relations with males and only dated males. I've told my 3 closest friends how I'm feeling and luckily, they're OK with it.

Am I bisexual?

Bethlehem, 13 years old


Dear Bethlehem,

From what you have related in your email, it seems fairly certain that you are bisexual. It is not at all unusual during what is called the Latency period of sexual development - between the ages of 5-12 - to have some form of temporary sexual interest in the same sex and even engage in some experimentation.

Even though you are only 13 and it is possible at that age to still be dealing with latency issues or have some sexual confusion, you are describing a deep and consistent interest in both sexes. It sounds as if that attraction has been lifelong. That sort of sustained attraction usually remains stable over a lifetime.

Some people in the field believe that bisexuality doesn't really exist, and that everyone has a definite preference that just needs to be clarified. I would disagree with this view. Everyone has both male and female hormones and people vary greatly in this regard. I think it makes sense, as do most things, to view it on a continuum. Some men are "ultra male" and some women are "ultra female." Most people fall in the medium range and some are very male and female. There is even a rare phenomenon where a person has both male and female organs. This is called a Hermaphrodite.

Sexual issues have been perceived very differently in different cultures and in certain times throughout history. In certain areas in the ancient world, bisexuality was looked at as quite normal. In our time period, the past 50 years has been spent in the process of moving out of one of the most repressive and restrictive sexual climates, to a more open and permissive view.

The main thing is to not judge yourself, even if the world might. Be true to yourself and follow whatever sexual interest that seems most natural to you. You can bet though that being a part of any minority will be difficult at times, with the more rigid who believe there is only one right or wrong.

Take care.

Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT

This question was answered by Jef Gazley M.S. Jef has practiced psychotherapy for twenty-five years, specializing in Love Addiction, Hypnotherapy, Relationship Management, Dysfunctional Families, Co-Dependency, Professional Coaching, and Trauma Issues. He is a trained counselor in EMDR, NET, TFT, and Applied Kinesiology. He is dedicated to guiding individuals to achieving a life long commitment to mental health and relationship mastery. His private practice locations are Scottsdale and Tempe, Arizona. You can also visit Jef at the internettherapist, the first audiovisual mental health online counseling center on the net.

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