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October 22, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Psychological Block

Question:

Recently I got into a relationship, and when we tried to have sex, I had some problems with getting an erection. This problem happened before when I was in another relationship a few years ago. The strange thing is, I have no trouble getting an erection when I'm alone. One reason could be that I was just too nervous, but I didn't think I was. Another thing I observed was that the foreplay took quite a while (over a half hour), and I was rather excited during the foreplay (not an erection yet), but then after that, I couldn't get one. Another 30 minutes passed and I could get some erection, but then I lost it when I tried to put a condom on. I don't understand what's happening.

Noah, 22-year-old man

Answer:

If you can become erect with self-stimulation, there is no problem with your biology, so it must be your psychology. I am sure it is anxiety related. The more you worry about getting hard, the less likely it is to happen. The more you focus on monitoring your penis, them more likely you will find it soft.

First of all, decrease your masturbation or stop altogether if you are in a steady relationship. You want to be as horny as possible with your woman.

Next, concentrate on her pleasure. Use your visual senses to enjoy looking at her body and enjoy the taste of her skin and her vulva, without thinking about your response. Stay with her response, her excitement, her pleasure . . . see it, smell it, taste it, touch it.

If you can keep your head out of your penis it will respond, and as your confidence builds, you will find yourself becoming much more predictable.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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