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October 22, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Obsession With Size


My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, but every so often he switches into an angry mean person and is concerned about nothing else but his penis size. Since my boyfriends before him were larger than he is, he becomes very hurtful towards me, suggesting that I only wanted to be with them for that reason alone. He makes comments that disgust me and make me feel worthless. He yells at me and tells me that it is my fault he feels like this and my fault he will never be able to feel like a man. When things are good between us, however, there is nothing wrong with our sex life and I have quite honestly never felt so connected and satisfied.

Jess, 23-year-old woman


Dear Jess,

For a start, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to be abused, put down and blamed for something that's none of your doing. If this guy has a hang-up, that's one thing. But no person has the right to be abusive towards another. You do what you think is right, but if I were in your situation I'd tell him to be respectful, whatever the circumstances, or ship out.

Second, as you can witness, penis size is one of those macho myths with no basis in reality. Almost all of a woman's sexual pleasure comes from stimulation to the clitoris. There is a secondary pleasure area at the very top of the vagina on the front side. Childbirth is painful enough without there being a highly sensitive region deeper in! Lesbians are perfectly capable of giving orgasms to each other, without a penis in sight.

In any case, there is a lot more to a loving relationship than the stimulation of erogenous zones. It is quite frequent for middle-aged and older men to have partial or complete impotence, and yet they can be part of a mutually satisfying, happy relationship with a woman. Love is a matter of giving, and mutual love is the matter of giving to each other in every way, including the physical. And if you love a person, you accept what is possible, and happily accept limitations.

Penis size is not a limitation but a mirage. I suggest you show him this message: your question and my answer.


This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.

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