Alcohol helping social problems?
QUESTION:
Ryan, 19-year-old manI have had social problems my whole life - simply talking to people, or not being able to say hello to someone unless they greet me first. This is hard for me to do with anyone, even my own parents and family. It's not just that I have problems communicating with people I know/have just met on all levels...I feel as if people only want to communicate with me when they need to. I have tried all sorts of things to try to fix this. The only thing that opens me up EXTREMELY well is alcohol. I could be drinking and hanging out with people I have never met before in my life, and I will be able to talk to them like I have known them forever. If I were sober it would have taken me months to start getting into full conversations with them, and only if we have a lot in common to talk about.
My question is, is there some other way I could cure these social problems I have without alcohol? It's almost starting to be like I don't even want to talk to anybody unless I'm intoxicated. And I'm well aware that this is one of the worst ways I could possibly live my life, dependent on alcohol. Not to mention I'm still 19 and I am not even supposed to drink it. I think if I keep this up much longer I will become an alcoholic or worse, if I haven't already reached that point.
ANSWER:
Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, LPC, LISAC, DCC
Hi Ryan,
The body and the subconscious are extremely intelligent. However, their intelligence is often better in the short-term rather than what is best for you over time. It is very likely that your subconscious is right that it runs better on alcohol than it does without it. The reason for this might be due to a physical addiction to the alcohol, but I would doubt that given how young you are. My guess is you probably have not been drinking long enough to develop a full blown addiction yet.
Many people begin to use and later become dependent on alcohol and drugs because of underlying chemical disorders. In the course of their teenage years and early adulthood they begin to experiment with drugs and alcohol as do most young people. What proves to be transitory for most young adults however becomes the preferred tool for coping with someone with an underlying chemical disturbance.
Your main complaint seems to center around being uncomfortable around other people and being clumsy in your conversations or lack of conversation with them. There are a number of psychological conditions that could account for this difficulty. Basic Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety disorder or phobia, or Attention Deficit Disorder would all be possibilities.
To go over each and every one of these conditions would be time prohibitive in this venue, but I would suggest that you see a psychiatrist and obtain a complete evaluation. Make sure that you pick someone with a specialization in ADD. The reason for this is that most doctors tend to be good with all of the above diagnosis except ADD, so it makes sense to have someone who is capable of ruling that one out.
It is a curious fact that many people are quite anti-medication, but feel fine about abusing alcohol and drugs. It is as if the illicit drugs are cool, but the medication means you have something wrong with you. It is important to realize that they both mean there is something wrong with you, but that does not mean you are not a good and capable person. It means there is a problem that is usually easily fixed if the person allows themselves to get help.
Take care.
Jef
This question was answered by Jef Gazley M.S. Jef has practiced psychotherapy for twenty-five years, specializing in Love Addiction, Hypnotherapy, Relationship Management, Dysfunctional Families, Co-Dependency, Professional Coaching, and Trauma Issues. He is a trained counselor in EMDR, NET, TFT, and Applied Kinesiology. He is dedicated to guiding individuals to achieving a life long commitment to mental health and relationship mastery. His private practice locations are Scottsdale and Tempe, Arizona. You can also visit Jef at the internettherapist, the first audiovisual mental health online counseling center on the net.For more information visit: http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/