I am a 15-year-old high school student. I'm not like other people my age. I am very mature and I have a mind that wonders about things most people say I shouldn't even be thinking about. But I can't help myself. I have been to an MHP (mental health provider) since the fourth grade. This is my first year not going because I don't talk about my problems to anyone.
When I was in the fourth grade I was molested by my grandmother's boyfriend. He must have been 70 to 80. But my grandmother didn't believe me; she told everyone I was lying. The worst part was that she bailed him out of jail that day! To this day he has not gone back to jail. The doctors say he's too old. It's nonsense to me. He knows what he has done is wrong. I won't ever forgive my grandmother for this. She has talked to my mom about talking to me and apologizing. She asked my mother if she thought I could ever forgive her. I am thinking about meeting up with her one day soon and talking with her to hear what she has to say. My brother talks to her and still calls her MawMaw, which I think is pretty messed up, but he can do what he wants. He's still my brother and I love him very much.
Last night I had a dream about the world ending! Everyone has been talking about it so much lately. I don't know what this means but the dream went like this:
I was talking to this man I didn't know and all of a sudden, I hear this really loud noise. I look over and it's this huge plane (bigger than normal) really close to the ground and I tell the man that this plane is going to crash, and it did! So when it hits the ground shakes and I somehow end up looking from the sky and seeing myself and everyone else run over by this plane. It's like I blacked out. So when I regain consciousness, everyone has lost their minds. I am sitting at this store waiting for my brother to come because I knew he was still alive. I waited 10 hours! Then he finally came, but my parents didn't. Then I woke up. What does this mean? Please let me know!
I believe that this man sexually molested you. Age has nothing to do with it.
The question to me is, will you allow it to spoil parts of your life, or will you use this nasty experience as a way to grow? You see, this is the choice. When you have suffered, you can either choose to hang on to hate and resentment, or you can choose to make you more compassionate for the sufferings of others. You don't have to have anything to do with this man, ever again. You don't even need to forgive him, until perhaps you are much older and with more life experience behind you.
But, at the time, your grandmother was in a bind. She probably loved him. And she loved you. She (wrongly) felt that she had to choose between two people, and she chose him. In fact, she could have continued to love him, and to support him, and at the same time she could have been there for you, and supported you too. But she didn't know this. Now, she wants to make amends.
Suppose your dream means the end of the world, as you interpreted it. Even without that, your grandmother is old. That means that one day, she will be gone. Once she is, it'll be too late to forgive, to return to a loving relationship. If she were to die tomorrow, would you want her to go in peace, or in pain? Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling that you could have done an act of kindness, of compassion, to reduce her suffering -- but you hung on to hate and resentment?
I don't know what your dream means. Despite what people say, there is no universal code in dreams. They are completely individual. Only you can make sense of it, not anyone else. But perhaps you were thinking about death and impermanence during that day, and the dream symbolized this.
All that matters is that you make your life the best it can be. God deals the cards. We need to play the best hand possible with them.