Unhealthy and violent fantasies

My dear, you could be in deadly danger. This is serious, and thank heavens that your brother found out about it.

For you, it's all role play, venting, make-believe. It is possible that the same is true for the guy -- but it's also possible that he is only pretending to be pretending. I do hope you have not let him have any identifying details, like the general area you live in or the like. I hope he doesn't know your real name, or what you look like.

You see, for you the fantasy does not involve harming anyone else. For him it does. The fact that he is imagining doing terrible things to somebody makes it likely that even if he thinks he doesn't actually want to do it now, in the future he may.

Also, what you have been doing with this guy is the opposite of therapy. It has confirmed for you a view of being damaged, faulty, not worthy of life, someone who can be abused and hurt. If you came to me for therapy, this would definitely NOT be the way we'd work.

You have not done anything to break the law, and as far as his interactions with you are concerned, neither has he (he might well be a criminal and you wouldn't know it unless he told you). Your communications are damaging to both of you, but does not involve the kind of thing that calls for inpatient treatment. So, if you seek competent help, it's highly unlikely that you would be locked up.  

I strongly recommend that you:

1. Send just ONE more email to this guy, telling him it's all over. Tell him that he desperately and urgently needs psychotherapy, and that if he keeps going the way he does, he is highly likely to put his fantasies into effect and hurt some poor person. He can then end up on death row, or many years in jail, depending on where he lives.

2. Then change your email address. Don't make it similar to the old one, because that will allow him to guess. Read through your records and see what details about you he may have learned. If there are any identifying details, act on the assumption that you are in danger, and take whatever precautions are necessary, such as moving to a different state. I am serious.

3. Seek therapy for the childhood abuse. You do not need to mention the correspondence with this guy to the therapist until you know that you can trust him/her.

By working through your past trauma, you can build a good life for yourself. You are welcome to email me back.

Look after yourself,

Bob