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November 18, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Mental Health

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Why do I feel so sad?


Help. I feel sad all the time. I'm in a serious, loving relationship. I have a full-time job and plan to study my chosen profession next year. I just really want to know why I feel sad and want to cry all the time. I try to lose weight and just can't stop eating. I don't feel like I'm good enough at anything - my relationship, my job or life. I want to do things but can't seem to motivate myself. I just want to stop feeling like this. Please help me.

LND, 21-year-old woman


Dear LND,

From the outside, the way others see you, everything seems fine. Objectively, you have a good life. And yet, you feel miserable within.

Given your brief note, I cannot say why this is so. I suspect that you may be replaying scripts from your childhood, in the grip of the monster "Never Good Enough."

Resist pressures to be put on an antidepressant. That is not indicated in your situation. The evidence is on my website, where you will also find other helpful web pages. In particular, read this page for 7 ways of increasing your inner strength.

In the meantime, you can help yourself by thinking of your situation in another way. When you were a little girl, the monster Never Good Enough moved in. She imitates your thoughts exactly. So, you have your thoughts and monster thoughts, and both kinds feel as if they were yours.

The monster feeds on sadness, so her thoughts trick you into doing things that make you feel bad about yourself and talks you out of doing things that would make you feel good, and it puts a doom-colored filter over your perceptions, thoughts and memories.

So, if you can identify the monster thoughts, all you need to do is to go against them. "The monster tells me that I need to eat some more? OK, I'll have an apple and go for a walk, because after I've had that food I know I shouldn't have, she'll use the guilt to bash me up with." That's the way to go: whatever the monster tells you, do the opposite.

Have a good life (you can),


This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.

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