Not in love with him


Not in love with him


your avatar   Saye, 27-year-old woman

I have been chatting with a man online for a year. We are both 27, Muslim, but from different countries. We have never meet, but have chatted day and night.

After chatting online for a while he said that he would like to meet me and he's planning to visit me in my own country in December. He says he's in love with me, but I don't feel anything. He doesn't even let me get into the topic of sex or even physical intimacy and this behavior bores me a lot. Should I tell him not to bother to come all the way to visit me? I myself don't know what I will feel after meeting him in the flesh. What if I still don't feel anything even after I meet him? What should I do?


    Bob Rich, Ph.D.

Saye my dear, you need to be honest with him. Let him know that while you enjoy his friendship online, you don't feel a romantic attraction for him.

Whether you agree to him coming to visit you depends on an important point. Do you feel safe? If in your opinion he may want to force sex on you as a way of making it necessary for you to marry him, then break it off. If in your judgment he would respect your wishes whatever the situation, then tell him that if he still wants to come he may, but you don't think you will change your mind.

Good luck, and congratulations on being your own person.


This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.For more information visit:


Struggling with a problem? Temporarily engage in a distracting activity and a solution may surface.
"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses."
Alphonse Karr
Take that dream you've put aside, dust it off, and make it come true.