I become very violent and always accuse my wife of sleeping with other men. I don't care who is in the room when I act violent. I go on with my anger and even threaten my own life if I don't get my own way. I continue to have these episodes and I cannot stand it a second longer.
I need a cure for Borderline Personality Disorder. Is there a doctor that knows how to cure this malicious virus? It is destroying my family and me. Please someone help.
First, this behavior pattern doesn't necessarily mean that you have BPD. Have you had this diagnosis formally inflicted on you? If so, there are several evidence-based therapeutic programs that work. The best established are "Dialectical Behavior Therapy" and an adaptation of "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy."
Let us just look at the problem you have outlined, which I'd call Jealous Rage. You do realize, if anything is going to have her leave you, it's the jealousy. She may be perfectly faithful, never, ever cheat on you, but will sooner or later have enough of your tantrums. So, if you want to keep her, then treat her with respect and gentleness, HOWEVER YOU FEEL INSIDE. Here is something I give to clients with an anger problem:
You didn't ask to feel angry. It happened. You are not responsible for BEING angry, but for how you respond to it. You are what you DO, not what you feel. Learn to take half a second before responding. You then have at least 6 choices:
- Yes, in this situation I should throw a tantrum.
- Not worth bothering, I'll just walk away.
- Handle it assertively (you can look up what that means).
- Take time out. Calm down, think out how I should respond, then return and deal with the issue.
- Humor (not AT other people). Turn the issue aside with a joke.
- Vigorous exercise. Let it out through chopping wood, pummeling a punching bag or big pillow, go for a run.
Anger is often the result of faulty thinking. Start by respecting both yourself and other people. If you can afford it, get a few sessions of therapy from a psychologist. Now that you have decided to change…you can.