Dating older married man

 

Dating older married man

QUESTION:

your avatar   Aria, 19-year-old woman

I go to school with this guy. Let's call him Rob. Well, Rob was having problems from the past with his wife. As soon as he graduates and finds a job, he's filing for a divorce. The other night, he told me he liked me, and I like him too. I'm 19, and his oldest son is a year younger than me, so he's kind of older than I am. Every day we talk, text, skype, or when he's not at work, we're gaming. We have so much in common that it's scary. Not scary that it makes me want to run, but scary because I could easily fall in love. I have chosen not to officially date him until after his divorce is final.

I suppose my question is, should I stick around and talk to him while he's going through the divorce or should I try and move on? Again, before I even got to know him he told me about his problems with his current wife. I feel as if right now, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if he walked out of my life. We have not had sex or any kind of kissing or making out or even holding hands. He just simply told me he liked me and we've flirted back and forth.

ANSWER:

    Bob Rich, Ph.D.

Aria, you've answered your question in your last sentence. You want to be with him and build a long term relationship.

The two of you are being wise, not rushing things, and acting morally. That's the best basis for a relationship. It's really good to be friends first, before being lovers.

I suspect the reason for your doubt is "what will people think?" Will his children accept you? How will your family and friends react to you being with a man "old enough to be her father?" If this is so, approach his kids with an attitude of respect and equality. Smile at critics and say, "It's my life. Thank you for your concern, I appreciate it, but I am enjoying things, and when problems arise, he and I will handle them."

Follow your intuition, not that of others.

Bob

This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.For more information visit: http://anxietyanddepression-help.com

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