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November 16, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Relationships

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Am I just confused?


I am Bisexual and I am not proud. My dad was bisexual in his twenties, but he talks bad about gay, bi, and lesbian people. He doesn't know about me and I don't have plans to tell him. I am also Autistic, Bipolar, and more.

People say that being bi just means you are desperate and mental. I have been bi since I was in 6th grade and I have been bullied for it. After a couple of months everyone was bi or a lesbian in my class. Just as a trend? All my friends said they were bisexual so I told them about me, and then a week later they said they were never bi and told everyone I know about me. I have been hiding it from everyone but I really want to tell them.

Am I just confused or is this the real me?

Laura, 19-year-old woman


Laura my dear,

There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. Your sexual preference is your business. The only rule is: Am I causing anyone harm? Liking both males and females does no harm to anyone, as long as all people concerned do so with full understanding, and without cheating or deceit.

Telling people about being bi is a matter of judgment. Some will accept it and it will make no difference. Others will treat you with contempt, abuse you, or make fun of you. So, you can be open with people you trust, and keep quiet about it in situations where it will cause problems.

You wrote that you are also "autistic, bipolar and more." On what evidence? Has someone just slapped such labels on you, or has there been any formal diagnosis? Even if it's all proper and documented, labeling a person is usually harmful. It makes you feel damaged, and puts you into a box you can't climb out of.

In fact, there is a lot you can do to improve the way you do things - your happiness and welfare. Suppose you really are "autistic." That means that you do things in a certain way. If you are comfortable with some of these habits, leave them alone. If you would like to change some of them, you can. Become an actress. For example, if making eye contact with people feels impossible, then just do it. Act as if looking people in the eye was no big deal. At first it may be difficult and short-lived, but with practice you get better and better, until it feels natural.

Apply this way of thinking to everything in your life, and you'll find that the world becomes a good place.


This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.

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