Life spinning out of control
I am hated everywhere I go. I was raped when I was eight years old and got pregnant with no abortion. My father abandoned me after 7 years of beating the heck out of me and forcing me to do things. My poor mother has a broken back and is paralyzed. I don't have anyone and I don't have anything.
I'm at the point where I don't care about my life anymore and obviously, nobody else does. I'm obviously very sick in the head because I constantly hear voices and see people. I have very strange visions and I don't know what they mean. My life is spinning out of control and I don't know what to do. I'm so scared and lost; I don't know what I did to deserve this but I guess I did something.
I know I need help based upon the fact that I see and hear things. I need help, and I don't know where to go. I've been on my own for so long and I am very scared to say anything to anyone. I'm so lost. I'm a mother and I'm 14. I am a beaten child. I'm on my own in this big world of hurt, sorrow, and pain and I am so scared, lost and confused. I need all the help I can get. I don't know how to take care of my child at this age; I can't even take care of myself properly. I let myself starve so that my child can eat and I desperately need to get help.
Julie my dear, I do understand your despair. You've suffered so much in your short life!
But also, I admire you. You're wonderful, you know that? Instead of giving in to the despair anyone in your situation would feel, you've reached out for help. Help is available. Look up the following web sites:
All of these organizations offer help and counseling and also they all have a database, and can probably refer you to free help and support close to where you live.
I would like to challenge your thoughts that "I am hated everywhere I go" and "I don't have anything." Just from your short note, I know you're a good person, because you care about your mother. She is paralyzed. You feel compassion for her, and I think you love her. You also said you were forced to have a baby when you were still a child. Your child is there too. That's also someone else who really cares. You are all-important to both your mother and your little child, and even if the rest of the world hated you (which I am sure is not true), those two people give you something to live and struggle for.
Children who have been sexually abused and treated harshly very often hate themselves and may feel that somehow it was all their fault. It isn't. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are not guilty of anything, and as I've said, you are admirable.
When you say, "I am hated everywhere I go," what I hear is, "I hate myself everywhere I go." The bad feeling is inside, not outside. What you urgently and desperately need is therapy, and I hope you find a free source. It will turn your life around.
Now, about "seeing and hearing" things. When you are under too much stress, something has to give. This is one of the many reactions that can happen. All of us think in terms of words and/or images. Because of all the difficulties in your life and self-hate, you are so stressed out that some of these thoughts seem AS IF they were coming from outside. But they are your thoughts all the same. If you realize this, they lose their scariness. It's OK to think like this. It does not make you crazy.
My dear, thank you for reaching out for help. I feel happy to be here for you, and will be delighted to keep in contact.
This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.For more information visit: http://anxietyanddepression-help.com