My family and my life are falling apart

My dear,

You don't need anyone else to talk to God for you. He hears you. He has placed your lovely grandchildren in your care to be angels in your life (yes, angels can be naughty, and cause problems, but they give you a reason to stay strong, and keep going).

First, I suggest you and your husband go for a few sessions of relationship counseling. Pick a therapist who is trained in the Gottman techniques. This will be an excellent investment that will benefit you for the rest of your life. I don't know the details of the trouble between you and your husband, but such stresses are understandable, given your situation. The two of you can work on being supportive to each other, instead of adding more sources of stress, and relationship therapy is the way to learn how to do that.

I feel for you regarding your daughter. It is terrible when someone we love is acting in a self-destructive way. Unfortunately, we cannot live their lives for them. She is killing herself with drugs, and won't admit that she has problems - and no one else can do something about it. I have had clients in this kind of situation. One lady, considerably older than you, was raising her little granddaughters. Her son had died from heroin overdose, and the daughter-in-law was violent, still on drugs, associated with a series of criminal men, and rejected the girls.

The lady coped by simply accepting the situation. "What is, is, and I need to make the best of it. " I was called in because once or twice a month, the little girls transformed from well- behaved kids into raging "monsters" who attacked her, broke things, screamed, and carried on. Then after sleeping, they were perfect kids again - until the next time they thought of their mother's rejection.

You can gain strength by making sure your angels don't react like this. You didn't write how old they are, but given their level of understanding, explain that mom is sick, and she can't help being the way she is. They can join you in feeling sorry for her, and sending her love regardless of what she does and doesn't do. Let them know that their father is up in heaven looking down on them, and however he had acted while alive, now he is sending them perfect love. Get them to ask, "Dad in heaven, how do you want me to act in this situation?" (Naturally, this needs to be in language suitable for the particular child's age).

As for you, I read that you are a support for your daughter, despite anything she has done. Isn't that what Jesus commands us to do? So, continue the way you are. However it feels inside, you are doing well. Work with your husband on rebuilding your relationship. Devote your life to raising your angels to become adults like you, instead of like their mother.

One last thing: You are going through a terrible trial. Ask yourself, "Why did God put me in this situation? In what way can I grow spiritually because of this sad state of affairs?" Because this is our task as humans.

With love,

Bob