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September 23, 2017 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Love

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Love between people of very different ages

Question:

I am a woman, 37 years old. He is a man, 16 year old. We are in love.

Can we have a good relationship? It is legally and socially well seen? Can someone accuse me (the old women) of a crime?

Caro (37 year-old woman)

Answer:

Dear Caro,

In my book, this is a difficult situation at best. Although biologically speaking a man reaches his sexual peak at 18 and a woman at 35, which would seem to make your combination a natural match, current society frowns on it.

You probably heard or read about the 35-year-old schoolteacher who had a love affair with her 16-year-old student, and even got pregnant by him twice! She's currently in jail, having been convicted of statutory rape, which means having sex with a minor, which is a crime in all states. The public's response was one of fascination and condemnation, with a main theme of: "what's wrong with a woman that age taking advantage of a kid?" Frankly, you're putting yourself at legal risk by getting involved with a 16-year-old boy. Although I don't doubt that two people of different generations can love each other, I wonder how long such a relationship could last.

Developmentally, these age groups differ vastly. A teen's job is to challenge the passive acceptance of parental rules that dominate the self of childhood, and experiment with all sorts of social roles, whereas the developmental focus of a 37-year-old includes advancing career, end-stage child-rearing, and furthering lifelong primary relationship commitments. These are very different tasks. So I wonder how much you and your younger partner are:

  1. developmentally on-track

  2. not just fascinated with each other in a way that may be a hindrance to normal progression.

I think you ought to get more counsel to help you evaluate your choice to get involved with this boy. My main contentions with your situation are twofold: that sex with a minor is illegal, and that the minor be hurt. Get more counseling, and let both wisdom and common sense be your guide.

Sincerely,

Andy Bernay-Roman

This question was answered by Andy Bernay-Roman, RN, MS, LMHC, NCC, LMT. He is a nationally certified counselor in private psychotherapy practice in South Florida working with individuals, couples, and families with a deep-feeling therapy approach. Andy's medical background as an ICU nurse contributes to his success with clients with difficult medical diagnoses and/or chronic physical conditions. He also serves as head of the Psychological Support Department of West Palm Beach's Hippocrates Health Institute.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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