Embarrassed by money issues
I am a very successful business woman. I am currently the VP of Marketing for an organization with revenue of $123 million annually. I have an undergrad in Business and Organizational Communications and a Juris Doctorate. I have come to the conclusion (through years of counseling) that I essentially got my JD to prove to myself and others that I am smart. I am a single mother of a six-year-old son. I am completely in love with my fiance, but continue to make life decisions (like moving to another state) to prevent taking the final step into marriage. When I really get honest with myself, I know that a lot of it has to do with the fact that he is very responsible about money and I feel stupid that I am not. He and I have discussed this and he has assured me over and over again that he doesn't think less of me because of my money issues. He tells me he actually loves me more because I recognize that I need to address them.
Even though I have had years of counseling for depression and other relationship issues, when it comes to discussing my irresponsible handling of money (I filed for bankruptcy when I was 20 and am currently in default for student loans) I freeze up. Every month at bill time, it takes me hours (sometimes days) to psych myself up to write the checks. Why might I be so afraid of making money decisions or even discussing this issue in person with my counselor? I currently make a salary that is more that my father and mother EVER made in any one year. HELP!
We all have an emotional relationship with money and success. This fact is illustrated by the people who win a lottery or come into sudden wealth. Most people who come into sudden wealth will go back to the economic level they are familiar with within five years through wasteful spending. Is it possible to achieve abundance? YES! But remember that any kind of success is an inside job reflective of your belief in yourself.
I would suggest that you write down all your fears about money and personal success. Then write down any resentments you have toward people around money or success. Identify the specific reasons that you hold resentment. Remember that resentment is buried anger turned in on yourself. It hurts only you and damages your relationships with others. Resentment teamed up with Ego or, false self assists us to feel better than others. However, it has the opposite effect and brings us down emotionally instead.
Clear out the toxic energy around resentment by reading everything you have written to another trusted soul, preferably a counselor or minister. The soul cleansing comes through letting go of the falseness and feeling the pain underneath. Often resentment is a sign of buried grief and painful feelings may arise. When you clear out resentment you begin to be more authentic and feel more positive. Also ask yourself if there is a pattern with looking to others as being more financially successful than you. Is this something you learned from your past? Perhaps it is a wound you learned in your family.
The good news it anything that is learned can be unlearned. You obviously have what it takes for great success. Now is the time to feel abundance in order to bring it into yourself. You have the power to heal. I also suspect that it is time for you to find work you love. Work with someone to identify your hearts desire and how to express your heart in work.
This question was answered by John Prindle, MA. He has a Masters degree in Transpersonal Psychology with a specialization in addiction medicine and works out of Oakland, California. He practices spiritual counseling honoring all religious and spiritual paths with a focus on career and life transformations.For more information visit: http://www.spiritualdestiny.com/