Neglected by family

Dear Kasey,

I just read the letter from the woman who had gone through so much (I can't even begin to describe it), that I feel foolish writing to you. I haven't gone through nearly as much, but everything is relative I guess. What got to me was the abandonment issues.

I'm a 43-year-old female born with hip dysphasia. I was 3 when I was put in the hospital to it. While there, I got chicken pox and was quarantined. They took away all my stuffed animals and no one was allowed to see me (even though my mom was an RN there and my aunt sat with me). My father told me that when they were finally allowed to see me again a week later, I turned away from them. My therapist thinks it scarred me pretty badly. After I got out of the hospital, I was in a cast from my waist down for over a year. I couldn't walk. They would put me out in the backyard on a mattress and I would spend my day there. There is a picture of me looking up at the sky, probably an airplane. I can't remember anything about those days, but being tied down like that at the age of 4, must have been terribly frustrating. When my mother talks about those days, all she ever says is that my sister was "good to me". They don't talk about it much. I'm sure they have guilt feelings, but damn. My aunt told me the other day that she came every day and sat with me. She told me she was sure my parents had never told me that and she wanted me to know. I don't know what it means, but she was right. They hadn't.

I was "raised by wolves" as I call it. Clothed, fed, and housed, but not much else. My mother and father fought constantly. My dad liked me and would stand up for me when my mother was on my ass, and it really pissed her off. She was jealous of my father's love for me. My mother was just really on my ass constantly and my father would try to reason with her. I think she must have also been going through menopause at this time. She would start a fight with me and then when my father would come home from work, she would revert to this poor little Southern belle act and tell him how mean I was to her. It was amazing to see and very scary too. My sister, who is 2 years older than me and my only sibling, is my exact opposite. She was Miss Goody Two Shoes, made straight A's, never had a boyfriend, etc. She really hated me. I figure some of it had to do with all the attention I got because of my problem with my hips. I have never gotten along with her and still don't. She is a very narrow-minded, judgmental person. If you don't see life as she does, forget it. Her empathy quotient is 0. I cannot stand to be around her. She is very shallow and selfish. All she thinks about it how she looks, what she wants, etc.

My father loved me; my mom and sister hated me (I'm the youngest). I looked like my mother's twin. She had an unhappy marriage with my dad, so I figure I remind her of the old days, and my sister is just pure mean. I married an abuser (physical), someone "for the hell of it," who was a child psychiatrist from India who was into being "right". I then married another SOB before I sobered up. After that I met a man in AA who was younger than me. He's had some of the same upbringing as me, was more treasured, but at the same time had more chaos, like fighting, alcoholism, etc. He had a very chaotic childhood. He ended up using me. I have such a hard time admitting this. Not because I don't think it's true, but because I tend to be very intuitive and I know this man let me see him, as he was, without the big bullshit image. But I SAW this man and loved him intimately as he did me. I swear I felt it, and it's like he tucked it away and went back to being a thug. How does a human being do that do another human being? I know what I need to do, but right now, I am so angry and disillusioned, I just don't care. I just keep hoping that someday I will.

My life is a disaster. I want to tell my family what is wrong with me, but it would be like butting your head against a brick wall.