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October 22, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Hard Knocks

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Will this time be different?

Question:

I had a miscarriage when I was fifteen. I am getting married in November. My fiance and I are trying to have a baby. He knows I had a miscarriage but it was not his. I did not even know him then. He and I are concerned that if I had one, am I more likely to have another one? I know it was hard, but I really don't think I can lose another baby! It nearly killed me the first time.

Can you give some information about women that have had multiple miscarriages? Can you also give me some insight into the possibility of me having another miscarriage?

Oppossum, 17-year-old woman

Answer:

Dear Oppossum,

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Any pregnancy loss can be difficult, even when the miscarriage occurs early in the pregnancy. There is no guarantee that you will not have another during your childbearing years, but you are not really at any higher risk than a woman who has never been pregnant. In the unlikely chance that you begin to experience multi miscarriages, your doctor will try and figure out what is going on. Although this is very unlikely. To give your baby the best start there are some things that both you and your partner can do even before becoming pregnant. Make an appointment to see a health care provider for a physical including a gynecological exam and pap smear, if you haven't had one recently. It is important not to be drinking, smoking cigarettes or marijuana or using drugs at least 6 months prior to becoming pregnant. This is as important for you partner as well. Once you are pregnant, good nutrition that includes a wide variety of foods with a good source of protein is important. You should see a health care provider on a regular basis starting as soon as you find out that your are pregnant. They will be able to guide you with what is important for you and the baby.

It is important to watch the baby's growth while you are pregnant. Read as much as you can about pregnancy, birth, breast-feeding, and mothering. There are many books in the library and your health care provider will also have some good material. When you see your doctor. Be honest about your fear of losing another baby, ask as many questions as you need! You mention that you are planning on getting married and are trying to have a baby. It sounds as if you and your fiance have a lot of love to give a child, but as you may know parenthood can be very stressful and requires a full time commitment. It is helpful if you and your fiance to really look at whether having a child so early into your relationship is what is best for you and the child. If you feel strongly about having a child soon, get as much information and support as your community offers. There is also wonderful information on the Internet and I would explore and use the resources on the web to learn about pregnancy and birth the importance of breast-feeding, loving discipline and child development.

Best of luck to all of you,

Michelle Barone

This question was answered by Michelle Barone MA MFT. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She holds three California Teaching Credentials and is a Parent Educator. She has been working with families for 15 years in the areas of relationships, pregnancy, pre and post natal loss, parenting and alternative education, specifically home schooling. She practices in So. California and is also available for phone or email consultations.

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