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November 20, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Can't get it in!


Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. We are both virgins and we have been wanting to have sex however we are unable to get his penis in. Some friends suggested that maybe I wasn't lubricated enough but after trying a lubricating substance we find that that is not the problem. We have tried various positions but find that nothing works. Please help as we both feel kinda stupid, how can we make this work and is this common?

Chontelle (19 year-old woman)


You might have developed what is called "vaginismus," which is the involuntary tightening of the muscles around the opening of your vagina. This is an automatic response made in anticipation of pain. The harder you try and the harder your partner pushes, the more you are likely to tighten. The initial entries might be even more difficult if your partner is larger.

Take the pressure off for a while and work on just being relaxed and playful. If you are not lubricated enough, that might mean you are not aroused enough. Once you feel very aroused and well lubricated, have you partner begin making penetration with his finger. Work on relaxing with that penetration first.

If you are unsuccessful in making the transition to the insertion of his penis, consult your gynecologist. Vaginismus can be successfully treated, and usually the treatment is most successful if conduced by a qualified sex therapist.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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