New mom does not feel sexy

New mom does not feel sexy


your avatar   Kimberly (21 year-old woman) from Columbia, TN

I just had a baby 2 1/2 months ago and I feel depressed about my body and especially about my weight.

My husband is always on the internet looking at porn and it really bothers me. Sometimes he even watches playboy and I don't know if I should be upset or not but I am. I want to lose weight but everyone says I should get use to what I look like now and I can't. I am 25 pounds over what i should be there anything I can do for myself? I'm a stay at home mom and I can't drive. I'm just so depressed.


    Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., ACS Certified Sexologist

You have two issues: Your body image and your depression. Your concern with your weight is clearly heightened by your husbands surfing of internet porn sites. However, you are not responsible for what your husband is doing. His interest in visual sexual images is a problem only if it consumes a large amount of time or money that he should be spending on his family and only if he is avoiding you sexually so he can masturbate. So, if it is occasional and he still makes love with you, it might just be "a male thing." (OK, not one of our better things.)

You need to work on your body image for yourself, not so your husband will give up his porn. If you are a stay-a-home mom you can still monitor what you eat and you can do some exercises (if there is energy left over after managing a baby).

If you can concentrate some of your time and energy on exercise and good eating, this might help with your depression. However, you will need to find ways to get out. Find a mothers group for support. Find a diet group for encouragement. Feeling powerless is no fun. Find a women's group for a sense of empowerment.

Depression is hard to kick. Talk to your doctor about this. There are good antidepressant medication that might help.

With issues of self-image and depression, it is hard to give quick and easy advice on the Internet. You need to get active, get out, and get help.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Sexologist & Adult Sexuality Educator

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.For more information visit:

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