Stop being angry


Stop being angry


your avatar   Ranji, 41-year-old woman

I have 3 children - 2 teenage girls and one little boy. I'm working in the child care industry.

Nowadays I'm getting angry very easily. I can calm myself, but in the morning I have lot of pressure. My children never listen to me, and it puts me in an angry mood. My husband irritates me. When I get very angry, I sometimes throw things here and there. How do I solve this problem? I can't control my anger. Please help me stop being angry.


    Bob Rich, Ph.D.

Dear Ranji,

In certain countries, you can get therapy with a psychologist under Medicare. If your family is low income, you can probably find one to bulk bill. A few sessions could see you on the way to a good life.

I am guessing that this anger and irritability is the result of too much stress in your life. Stress from various sources adds up. So, you, your husband and children could get together and work on redesigning your life to make it less stressful for everybody.

The second thing you can do is to build up your strength. This means adequate sleep, good nutrition, plenty of vigorous physical exercise, laughter, doing things creatively, enjoying beauty, and putting GOOD things into your life.

You can also work on the anger in its own right. A problem is that you are trying to stop your anger. You didn't ask to be angry, it just came. You are not responsible for the anger, but for how you handle it. So, next time you feel a flash of anger, take one deep breath, then choose from among the following ways of reacting to it. You have at least 6 choices:

1) Yes, in this situation I should throw a tantrum.

2) Not worth bothering, I'll just walk away.

3) Handle it assertively. This means protecting my territory without hurting someone else.

4) Take time out. Calm down, think out how I should respond, then return and deal with the issue.

5) Humor (not AT other people). Turn the issue aside with a joke.

6) Vigorous exercise. Let it out through chopping wood, pummeling a punching bag or big pillow, or go for a run.

Anger is often the result of faulty thinking. Start by respecting both yourself and other people.


This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.For more information visit:

When experiencing negative emotions ask yourself, "What is this feeling trying to tell me"?
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