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November 18, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Relationships

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Genetic Self-esteem Issues


I come from a blended family of 9 kids where I'm the second youngest. I have always hated my life. I never did well in school and hated every single day of it. I finished nursing school and when I was forty, got a degree in nursing but I still feel stupid. I was literally never happy until I met my husband. We have struggled financially, however, and with bad things happening almost on a daily basis, I feel like we never got our footing and got a normal life. Something crappy always happens.

My kids all have alcohol and codependency issues and I just want to run away and hide from them all! They have made bad choices in life partners and because we have always stressed loyalty, they will not admit to it and move on. It is constant drama and fighting and needing help or money. They are all over 25 and I just don't want to hear their problems anymore because it eats at me and is sucking the life out of me. How can I make them see I can't take the stress any longer?

"Mother," 54-year-old woman


My dear,

You got a nursing degree. That says to me that you are not stupid, but that your poor performance in school was because of emotional difficulties, perhaps the chaotic nature of home life, maybe bullying and abuse. Others may have thought you to be stupid, and you accepted their opinion.

So, you can start respecting yourself now. As you say, your kids are over 25. They are adults, and should run their own lives. YOU DO NOT OWE THEM ANYTHING ANY MORE. They have made their choices, and need to experience the consequences. If mother isn't there to rescue them from irresponsibility, then they'll have to grow up at last.

There is an organization for people whose loved ones are addicted to alcohol or other poisons, called Al-Anon (or Alateen for teenagers). Look them up on the web. There will be meetings near you. They will be of great help to you in breaking free from your kids, and doing that, giving them an opportunity to find a good path for themselves.

This can be the start of your life.


This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.

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