Grown daughter hates me

Danni my dear,

No person has the right to abuse another. Even if she is your daughter, she doesn't.

You love her, and I am sure love your grandchildren and want to have them in your life. Being able to love someone regardless of what the other person does is a sign of a high level of spiritual development. It is what the Bible (and the other great religions) tell us to do, but most people find it difficult. So, know that you are an exceptional person.

You say you don't have much longer to live. Have you been diagnosed with a terminal illness? If so, that may be the tool for changing the situation. You could write her a letter, telling her this, and saying, whatever went on in the past, it would be good to part in peace. At the best, she becomes your friend. At the worst, things continue as now. There is nothing to lose.

I have no doubt that she justifies her behavior to herself by hanging on to some real or imagined hurts in the past. She doesn't realize that the person she is damaging the most is herself, not you. It would be really good to lead her out of this way of behaving, but she is an adult and responsible for her own life. All you can do is the best you can do.

But here is what I think may be a new way of looking at things for you. Suppose that, before you were born, you decided that you needed to learn a particularly difficult lesson as the crowning achievement of your life. So, with help, you organized a situation to give you the opportunity to learn this lesson. The situation is a hating daughter. I think you have learned the lesson, and passed the test. You have turned the other cheek, and regardless of how much hurt she has caused for you, your only wish is to love her. Well done.

Whether you live for only a few months, or for many years yet, you have passed through this trial, and it has honed you into a better person.

Congratulations.

Bob