Falling out of love
QUESTION:
"Conflicted," 23-year-old womanMy boyfriend and I have been on and off for 4 years. I have never cheated on him but I have seen other people in our off spells. It's been almost a year we've been together without splitting up but trouble has started to brew. About a month ago, we had an argument and it ended with him putting his hands on me. Once he put me in a headlock and I passed out, then later he held me by my throat against the wall. Since then I've been afraid to even confront him about things for fear that he'll do it again. And this past weekend I found a message from a girl he used to talk to on his cell phone. It was a simple "?" But what bothers me is the fact that the messages from her that used to be there were deleted. I have caught him on a couple of occasions messaging other females. They were just harmless conversations from a male perspective but we women tend to read into things too much. So now I don't believe him when he says he's not been messaging this girl. I'm so confused on what to do and how to feel.
I don't know if my lack of feeling is because of my fear of an argument or if I genuinely have fallen out of love. What do you think? Also, given his past history of talking to other girls, should I just believe him?
ANSWER:
Bob Rich, Ph.D.
My dear, whatever name you put on it, I think at last you have woken up to him. I think you posted this message because you want someone to tell you that it's OK to break up permanently. It is more than OK. You owe it to yourself to kick him out and start a new life.
No one has the right to assault another, whether they are married, or in a relationship, or walking along a street. It's a crime, whether in public, or in your home.
You are terrified of him now. Suppose you live with him for the rest of your life. Is that the life you want for yourself, or one of respect, sharing, equality, decency? Go find yourself a guy who will love you, and who deserves your love.
Have a good life. You can.
Bob
This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.For more information visit: http://anxietyanddepression-help.com