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June 23, 2017 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Relationships

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Absent Mom


I have been divorced for 9 years now. I have custody of my 11-year-old son. My son does not see his mother much due to the distance between us and her.

My son feels lonely and isolated from his mother, she is late with gifts on birthdays and Christmas. She also does not communicate with him for what ends up being months on end. What can I do?

Mark (35) from Buffalo, New York


Mark, you can try writing to your ex wife and telling her how your son feels when she neglects him. You could even encourage your son to write a letter to his mom, telling her how her behavior makes him feel. If she truly loves her child, and I am sure she does, she will not allow these letters to go unresponded. Also, have regular conversations with your son about his mom's behavior. Explain to him that, "Mom loves you; she just has difficulty showing that love sometimes and may need us to show her, and remind her, how to express that love." A letter from the heart might just do the trick. And since a divorce is always hardest on children, be sure to spend as much time with your son as possible. Let him know you will always be there for him; and the breakup was not his fault. Many children end-up blaming themselves. Best of luck to all of you.

This question was answered by Tina Reed, MA, LPC. Tina is a licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois, and is also certified by the National Resource Center for Family-Centered Practice.

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