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October 19, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Imaginative love


My wife and I have been married for over ten years. We have two children aged nine and seven. Some of those years have been very troublesome, but in the past few, we have worked many of our problems out.

Throughout our life together, my wife has exhibited little imagination in the bedroom. She says she has no fantasies about anything. Our sex life has improved markedly over the past few years - she is more willing and more active during sex, but I would like to explore, not with other people or couples, just us. She used to be frigid, but she has become more aggressive, but sex is always the same with her. She has recently been diagnosed with MS, and is taking medications to help, but this problem has gone on for years. She is a bit overweight which bothers her, but I love her and think she is a beautiful woman. I simply want to explore more sexual worlds with her. What can I do, if anything, to help or persuade my wife to bring out her imagination and/or fantasies?

Greg, 30-year-old man


Years of marriage, multiple young children and MS will test a sexual relationship. If sex is just about arousal and orgasms, this aspect of a marriage will suffer. You need to accept your wife where she is - worried about her body, worried about her children, worried about her illness and, possibly, worried about her marriage. You cannot expect her, with all this worry, to suddenly become creative in bed.

You will need to talk to her about what you would like, but don't push for sudden or dramatic change. You must take the initiative in being playful and gently introduce her to a few novel things. However, what is of greater importance is that you be understanding, patient and compassionate, for her MS is likely to be progressive and she will need a lot of support in the coming years. Look for novel ways to pleasure each other without worrying about positions, toys or the number of orgasms.

Shower together and add erotic massage to your repertoire of sensual activities. Perhaps if you demonstrate that you can be loving and creative sensually, she will be more inclined to show you how she can be creative sexually.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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