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September 26, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Relationships

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Should I help my adult daughter?


My 36-year-old daughter is unmarried and living independently in another state. She has a job and is living paycheck to paycheck. She lives in an extended stay motel. She has accrued financial debt when first branching out on her own for 7 years. She has school loans that are in arrears. She's unable to pay off payday loans that happened when she first moved away. I am in a position to help her out. I can't pay them off but I can sit down with her and work out a plan.

Should I offer her my help or not? Thanks for any assistance.

"tchur1", 73-year-old woman


Dear tchur1,

Of course, I don't know all the ins and outs of the situation, like the long term relationship between the two of you. But from what you say, she hasn't done anything foolish, is not a habitual sponger on you, and is doing her best. She is one of the millions of victims of a crazy society that allows those with too much money to steal from those who don't have enough.

If you have more money than you need to stay financially safe, by all means help her out. And if you can use your wisdom and experience to advise her on how to improve her financial management, then by all means offer to do so. Only, I have a little rule: You can ask her anything at all, as long as you can accept a "no," and vice versa. So, if she declines to have you advise her, that's OK.

Generosity and compassion are what make life worthwhile. So, it's fine to do your best for your daughter. And perhaps one or both of you could get active in causes to change the world away from where honest working people are in debt, living paycheck to paycheck.

Your friend,


This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.

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