Happiness: the unicorn of emotions. The now-you-see-it, now-you-don’t feeling. The Snuffleupagus of emotional states. That elusive, cool, existential emotion that you’re not really supposed to feel, you’re just supposed to be, dude.

Stupid, sneaky happiness.

So what the hell is happiness anyway? Is it joy? Calmness? That rush when your food delivery shows up 10 minutes early and they remembered the sauce? Depends who you ask. Some people define happiness as inner peace. Others think it’s financial freedom, six-pack abs, or a dress with pockets.

Truth is, happiness isn’t a permanent state, it’s a series of tiny experiences—some completely random, some intentional if you actually make the effort to chase the small joys. It’s not a constant. It’s more like that friend who shows up unannounced, stays just long enough for you to enjoy them, and then vanishes without warning.

Stupid, fleeting happiness.

So no, you’re not doing life wrong if you’re not happy 24/7. That’s not a thing. And if someone tells you otherwise, they’re lying. Emotions are short-term—as they’re meant to be. They’re supposed to show up, be felt, and then move along.

At least, that’s what we’re supposed to do. But we just love hanging on to the negative ones because… why? Like it’s going to change something? Make us feel better? Or are we just gluttons for punishment But hey—that’s a rant for another blog. Let’s get back to happiness.

Stupid, ethereal happiness.

Here are 5 myths about happiness that are actually sabotaging your joy.

Myth #1: You’ll be happy when you achieve…

That magical moment when you finally get the dream job, body, house, partner, etc.? It feels great… for five minutes, maybe a few years if you’re lucky. Then your brain’s like, “Cool. I’m done with this. What’s next?”

Reality check: If your happiness is always tied to some future goal, it’s not a now emotion, it’s a then emotion. And what happens if that goal never happens? You just delay joy forever? Sounds exhausting.

Here’s the only happiness goal that actually makes sense: Make it your mission to seek out whatever sparks joy today. Good music. Your favorite snack. Petting your dog. Feeding ducks at the pond. Whatever makes you feel lighter and more blissful—go do more of that.

Myth #2: Happy people are always positive.

If you know someone who’s happy 24/7 and it’s not chemically induced, that’s awesome. Some people genuinely have a zest for life. But for the rest of us mere mortals, trying to be positive all day, every day is not only unrealistic, it’s emotionally exhausting.

Reality check: Life offers a full emotional buffet: sadness, frustration, joy, anger, jealousy, apathy, hope. A real human experience includes all of it. Pretending everything is fine all the time is not positivity—it’s called emotional repression. Or cognitive distortion. Or Friday, during Happy Hour.

Happy people don’t walk around in a bubble of bliss. What they have is emotional agility. They feel their feelings. They get mad. They cry. They scream into pillows. But they also recover. They reach out. They practice gratitude when they can, and vent when they need to. Most importantly, they don’t go around reciting ridiculous mantras like “good vibes only” because they know life isn’t just sunshine and butterflies. There will be bad days. Then some really bad days. Or some unexpected occurrence on a random Tuesday. That’s not failure; that’s life.

It took me a while to accept this too; in fact, I’m still trying to accept it: happiness doesn’t mean constant joy. It means learning to ride the emotional roller coaster without pretending the dips don’t exist. And maybe screaming a little less on the way down. It’s not pretending that it’s sunny outside when it’s raining—it’s grabbing an umbrella and trusting that the sky will clear eventually.

You don’t need to be positive all the time to be happy. You just need to stop treating your emotions like they’re either “good” or “bad.” All emotions are valid, all are temporary, and all yours to feel.

Fun fact: I conducted a study on the relationship between positive mindset and life satisfaction. And, shocker—people with higher Positive Mindset scores were the most satisfied with life. (Thank you, Captain Obvious.)

But here’s the part that actually surprised me: the most satisfied group didn’t score a perfect 100 on Positive Mindset. Not even close. Their average was… 74.

What does that tell us? That the most content people aren’t skipping through life. They’re realistic optimists. They focus on the best, prepare for the worst, and understand that denial isn’t the same as positivity.

Myth #3: If you’re not happy, something is wrong with you.

Sadness isn’t a glitch in your system—it is the system. Life is messy. Emotions are messy. There is no version of being human that doesn’t include some emotional ups and downs.

Reality check: Feeling down doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re going through a challenging time. Emotions aren’t problems to fix; they’re signals to pay attention to. Sometimes they point you toward a change you need to make. Other times, they’re just passing through. Either way, sadness is not the enemy.

That said, let me be clear: sadness and depression are not the same thing. Sadness has a process—it shows up when something is going on in your life and eventually fades. Depression lingers. It sucks the joy out of life. So if you’re feeling down all the time, or you’ve stopped caring about things you used to enjoy, don’t write it off as “just sadness.” That’s your cue to check in with a therapist. Get. Help. Now.

But if you’re just having a sad day, go ahead and cry into your cereal, listen to sad music, and tell anyone who says to “just smile more” to shove it. You’re not broken. You’re just feeling stuff—and that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.

Myth #4: You can think your way into happiness.

I tried it. It doesn’t work. There—now you don’t have to waste your time trying it too.

Mantras are lovely. I’ve got nothing against “I am light, I am love, I am a powerful being.” But when you’re knee-deep in chaos—your roof is leaking, your pet is sick, and your boss constantly dumps work on you—no number of “I am light, I am love, I am a powerful being” is going to bail you out.

Reality check: Happiness isn’t just mindset—it’s also action. A gratitude journal is great. A mantra can soothe you. But pair those with action. Set a boundary with a pushy family member or friend. Leave that emotionally draining relationship. Go outside. Book a therapy appointment. Take the damn nap.

Think of happiness like a garden: positive thoughts are the sunlight, but without watering (aka doing things that actually nourish you), your mental weeds will take over. Don’t just think happy—build happy.

Myth #5: Other people have it figured out.

This is a myth that haunts us all at 2 AM. Why is everyone else so calm? Why does life seem to run smoothly for them while mine feels like a dumpster fire?

But here’s what decades of psychological research—and plain observation—have taught me: if we were to plot everyone on a graph from “totally got it together” to “barely functioning,” most of us would be huddled together in the middle. We. Are. Human.

Reality check: It’s not that others are doing life better—it’s that they’ve stopped obsessing over what’s going wrong. They’ve learned to enjoy life’s small wins and to let the rest slide. When life gets tough (and it will), they feel their emotions fully—but they don’t set up camp in Emotional Baggage Land. Remember, there are no right or wrong decisions, only experiences.

If there is anything you take away from this blog, please let it be this:

Emotions are visitors, not roommates.

Feel them. Learn from them. Then gently shove them out the door and go do something that feeds your soul. Watch a dumb comedy. Play with your cat. Take a walk in nature. Text that one weird friend who always makes you laugh. Life’s not perfect, but it’s not supposed to be.

Chasing happiness is like chasing a cat: The more desperate you are to grab it, the more it runs away. But if you chill out and live in the moment, it’ll eventually curl up next to you.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D