Post-traumatic stress disorder can be hard to spot in others—and even harder to see in yourself. Sure, you feel more anxious. Yes, you’re having nightmares. And you’re constantly on high alert. That’s normal… right?

Those are all classic signs of PTSD. It’s often linked to soldiers returning from combat, victims of violent crimes, or first responders and firefighters. But it can also develop after long-term abuse—or simply dealing with an extremely difficult person over an extended period of time. I once read about a man who developed PTSD-like symptoms because his neighbor repeatedly parked over the line in the parking lot, forcing him to park in the street for months, despite repeated complaints.

If you’ve experienced a trauma—or love someone who has—you’ve probably asked yourself: How long will it take to get past this? I remember saying to someone after my own experience, “I’m never going to be normal again, am I?”

But there is a light at the end, I promise. Humans are fragile enough to be taken down by a paper cut (seriously, why do those hurt so much?)—yet we have an incredible capacity to recover.

So if you’re struggling right now because you feel like you “should” be over your trauma by now, here are some signs you might actually be healing.

You’re less reactive than before.

Situations that once triggered an intense emotional reaction now feel a little easier to manage. You still get upset, but it’s less overwhelming and passes slightly faster.

A therapist once told me about a bank teller who survived a hold-up. For months, even seeing the bank’s name or the color of the sign triggered panic. Through slow, careful exposure—driving by the building, looking at the sign, standing outside, stepping inside for a few seconds—she eventually worked her way back to returning full-time.

It can take time, and that’s okay—you will get there. I strongly encourage getting therapy if you’re not already. If cost is a concern, look for therapists who offer a sliding scale or low-cost community clinics. In some cases, free counseling is available through nonprofits, support groups, or employee assistance programs.

When searching for help, look for a therapist trained specifically in trauma recovery. Most therapists include a bio on their website outlining the approach they use. These are three of the most effective, research-backed therapies for healing from trauma:

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Uses guided eye movements—or other forms of bilateral stimulation, like tapping—to help the brain reprocess traumatic memories. In some cases, it can work faster than traditional talk therapy.

Trauma-Focused CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)

Helps you identify and change unhelpful thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors connected to trauma. It’s really effective for both adults and children, and often includes gradual, safe exposure to triggers.

Somatic Experiencing (SE)
Focuses on releasing trauma stored in the body by increasing awareness of physical sensations and regulating them. It’s particularly helpful for people whose trauma symptoms show up physically, such as tension, pain, or a “frozen” feeling.

You’re noticing your patterns.

This is a big one. When you start spotting old coping habits—like stress-eating, isolating yourself, or people-pleasing—and catch yourself before they take over, it’s a sign of growth. You’re becoming more self-aware, and that’s huge.

You might still slip into old habits sometimes, but the more you interrupt them, the easier it gets. For example, if you usually withdraw and isolate yourself when stressed, you might notice the urge to cancel plans—and instead choose to meet a friend for coffee, even briefly.

You set boundaries without as much guilt.

It’s a simple two-letter word, but damn, saying “no” can feel impossible. You don’t want to upset anyone, hurt their feelings, or come across as the bad guy.

But… what about your feelings? Don’t they matter too?

If you’re saying “no” more often—even if it still feels awkward—you’re learning your limits are worth protecting. Don’t apologize for it. Ever.

So when your mother-in-law “jokes” at your expense, your coworker dumps extra work on you for the third time this month, or the pushy salesperson keeps trying to upsell you after you’ve said no—set that boundary and own it.

It might be slow, but you’re allowing yourself to build relationships where trust is possible—and this time, you’re making sure it’s earned through actions, not just words. That’s a huge step.

When trauma comes from being betrayed or harmed by someone, it’s not just trust in that person—or even that gender—that’s broken. It can feel like trust in all of humanity is gone. You feel betrayed. Violated. Like a goldfish in a tank full of sharks.

I once watched a documentary about Tony Robbins where, in one segment, he talked to a young woman who grew up in a cult, where she suffered sexual abuse and exploitation. In front of a live audience, he asked her to choose three men she’d never met to be her “uncles.” Their job was simple but profound: to help her relearn what safe, trustworthy male relationships could look like.

Whatever your opinion of Robbins’ methods, the exercise was powerful—and a reminder that trust, once shattered, can be pieced back together. And while I’d always advocate for therapy in situations like this, the idea of intentionally rebuilding trust is something worth holding onto.

You give yourself grace on bad days.

You have good days and not-so-good days. But instead of calling yourself “weak” or sliding back into old habits, you see the lows as part of the process. Healing—physical or emotional—takes time. Getting angry at yourself for not being “over it” yet is just wasted energy.

When a family member’s husband died suddenly, she was still deep in grief a few months later. Another relative told her to ask her doctor for antidepressants—because she wasn’t “moving on fast enough.” The result? She began showing mania-like symptoms: impulsivity, racing thoughts, and more.

The truth is, you can’t rush healing. Emotions fade in their own time, so let them move through you. Cry. Punch a pillow. Curse the heavens. Just let it out. That said, if you’re still overwhelmed years later—unable to function, stuck in deep sadness, or having thoughts of self-harm—it’s time to work with a therapist to help carry the weight.

You feel more like yourself.

Maybe you catch yourself enjoying small moments without being dragged back into the past or constantly worrying or anticipating the next crisis. Maybe you’re laughing more, rediscovering joy in the things you once loved, or just feeling lighter. That’s a sign your identity is expanding beyond your trauma.

When something painful happens, it’s easy for it to consume all your attention. Unlike happy experiences—which we enjoy and then let fade—we often linger in our hurt, turning it over in our minds. I once came across a phrase that fits perfectly: We build shrines to our pain.

As Raymond Reddington from The Blacklist put it: “There is nothing that can take the pain away. It will be the first thing you think about, until one day it will be the second thing.”

So if you notice yourself smiling more, giggling now and then, feeling moments of peace, or having the urge to do things again—that’s a very good sign. It means you’re stepping out from the shadow of your trauma and back into your life. Well done!

Healing isn’t a straight line, and it doesn’t come with a set timeline. Some days will feel like you’ve taken three steps forward, and others will feel like you’ve taken ten steps back—but every moment of self-awareness, every boundary you set, every laugh that slips out when you didn’t expect it, is proof you’re moving forward. You don’t have to get over it to get through it—you just have to keep going.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D