If life really came with chapters, 99.99% of us would be begging the universe for a rewrite, a deletion, or—at minimum—a happy plot twist. Something, anything, to make the past feel less like a dumpster fire and more like character development. You know the chapters I mean: the job or relationship you absolutely should’ve left sooner; the life-detouring event that arrived uninvited on a random Tuesday; the “phase” that was not, in fact, a phase; the move you didn’t make; the move you absolutely did make; or the haircut that made you avoid the mirror for an entire year.

These chapters are uncomfortable. Embarrassing. Sometimes sad, sometimes genuinely traumatizing. And they have the audacity to keep resurfacing—right when you’re trying to fall asleep, enjoy yourself, or mind your business in the cereal aisle comparing fiber content. But those chapters aren’t personal failures stamped on your permanent record—they’re data. Messy, emotional, but very useful data.

In this blog, I want to talk about how we can make peace with the past—with a little humor, a little honesty, and absolutely no toxic positivity.

Tip #1: Stop Trying to “Delete” the Past

If you try to ignore a bad chapter in your life, it won’t vanish like an Amazon package on your doorstep. Regret has the persistence of a toddler you keep saying “no” to.

But making peace with that awful, awkward, or downright catastrophic chapter doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it. It simply means you stop burning emotional energy rehashing every detail—what happened, where you messed up, what you “should” have done.

Instead, acknowledge it like you’re addressing a ghost who refuses to stop haunting you.

“Yes. That happened. I hated it. I would have chosen differently today. But Past Me was doing the best they could with the tools they had.”

Tip #2: Translate the Chapter Instead of Reliving It

When you replay an old chapter of your life, you tend to view it in the most dramatic, unflattering way possible. But what if you translated it into something more useful?

Instead of: “I wasted years.”
Try: “I was learning what doesn’t work for me.”

Instead of: “How could I not see it?”
Try: “My perspective was limited then. It isn’t now.”

Instead of: “I should’ve known better.”
Try: “Knowing better came from this exact experience.”

You don’t have to gloss over the chapter; just interpret it with the context you didn’t have at the time.

Tip #3: Replace Self-Criticism with Curiosity

Criticism sounds like: “Why did I stay? Why did I believe that? What was I thinking?”

Curiosity sounds like: “Huh. What was driving me then? What did I need? What didn’t I know yet?”

Criticism creates shame. That’s what a bad parent does. Curiosity creates understanding.
Curiosity also acknowledges something we tend to forget: you weren’t clueless, you were unfinished. Which is good news, because unfinished things can improve.

Tip #4: Don’t Turn Regret into a Personality Trait

A regret is a moment, not a lifestyle.

A mistake is an event, not an identity.

A life chapter is a point in time, not your entire memoir.

What’s the point of beating yourself up for something that happened ages ago…or even last week? It won’t change what happened, it won’t undo the hurt, and it definitely won’t make you feel better. All it really does is extend the torture. Emotions are meant to fade with time—your brain is wired for that—but only if you stop striking the same match over and over. At some point, you have to stop re-lighting the fire and let it turn to ashes.

Tip #5: Give Credit Where It’s Due

Here’s a liberating truth: Sometimes, the best parts about you came from chapters you wish you could erase.

• The boundaries you set today are born from the times you had none.

• Your self-respect, even if it’s still a little flimsy, was shaped by the times you didn’t give yourself any. Those moments taught you exactly what you will and won’t tolerate now.

• Your resilience was built through struggle—during those moments when you wanted to give up but chose to keep going anyway. Those experiences strengthened you more than you realized at the time.

You don’t have to be grateful for the pain, but you absolutely must acknowledge the growth you experienced and the wisdom you gained.

Tip #6: Write the Next Chapter

Peace with the past is achieved by using it to guide you. The moment you realize you’re allowed to change your mind, say “no,” do something different, seek help, upgrade, downsize, or completely reinvent yourself, that’s when the old chapters lose their power.

People often fear that a difficult chapter will define them. It only defines you if you allow it to. Weirdly enough, peace comes from saying:

“This is part of who I became. Not who I am in my totality.” Your identity, your awareness, your inner world—it’s massive. Who you were in one past situation is a single drop in a very large ocean.

You don’t need to love your past chapters. You just need to stop fighting them long enough to understand the why and to reclaim the story for what comes next. They’re just proof that you’ve lived, learned, and kept going. You’re exactly the kind of underdog character readers root for.