My new pet peeve is people who post on Instagram purely for attention and likes. Don’t worry—I’m not talking about cute cat videos, babies hugging dogs, or unlikely animal friendships, because I freaking love those. I’m talking about people who film themselves doing objectively awful things and call it “content.” You know the ones: shoving cake in someone’s face “as a joke,” harassing locals in a foreign country for views or pulling pranks that are just thinly veiled bullying.

Sure, some of these so-called influencers get called out—but not nearly enough. My bigger concern is that the more we laugh, ignore, or scroll past this stuff, the more it starts to feel normal. And it shouldn’t.

Here are 8 behaviors that should be red flags, but somehow get a pass:

1. “That’s just how I am.”

Translation: I refuse to be accountable for my actions.

Sorry, but no—you don’t get to pass off bad behavior as a quirky personality trait. When I once called someone out for being cruel, they told me, “God gave me a mouth to speak, so I can say whatever I want.” My response? “God also gave you a brain to think, but you don’t seem to use it.”

Maya Angelou said it best: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Chronic rudeness, criticalness, selfishness—those aren’t just “how someone is.” They’re choices. So they are actively and knowingly choosing to disrespect you. And you don’t have to keep excusing them just because they’ve labeled it “just my personality.”

2. Always needing to “play devil’s advocate.”

Challenging ideas is healthy. But doing it every single time? Especially on topics that don’t affect you? That’s not curiosity, it’s ego.

I know someone like this. No matter what you say, they have to chime in to make you feel like you missed something obvious. And it’s exhausting. I’ve stopped sharing my thoughts around them, not because I doubt myself, but because I’m tired of being treated like I need to defend my existence in a TED Talk format.

Here’s the rule: unless someone invites you into a debate, maybe just… don’t. Not every conversation needs a devil’s advocate.

3. Humblebragging.

“Ugh, I’m so bad at saying no—I just keep getting promoted!”

“I’m dressed in sweatpants and people still hit on me and ask for my phone number.”

“Just got another award. This has to be a cosmic joke!”

We see you. You’re not being humble. You’re setting bait and hoping someone takes it. There’s something especially irksome about people who want all the praise but try to hide it behind fake modesty.

At least a straight-up brag is honest. With humblebragging, you’re basically saying: “Compliment me, but don’t think I need it.” Yes, you do. And while most people won’t say it to your face, they are 100% rolling their eyes behind your back.

If you want to celebrate yourself, go for it. Just skip the fake “OMG, #blessed #grateful”—we’d respect it more.

4. Insisting on being “brutally honest.”

You know the type: “I’m just being real.” “I tell it like it is.” “If you can’t handle honesty, that’s your problem.”

Translation? I like saying rude things and pretending it’s out of kindness.

There’s a massive difference between honesty and tactlessness. Just because you think you’re being helpful doesn’t mean you’re not being hurtful. Saying stuff like, “You’ve gained weight” isn’t helpful—it’s unkind. And wrapping it in “good intentions” doesn’t make it better. It just makes it patronizing and rude.

Unless someone asks for your opinion—or you’re intervening in a genuine crisis (like addiction or safety concerns)—keep the unsolicited critiques to yourself. “I’m just being honest” is not a green light to be a jerk.

5. Confusing opinion with truth.

If I believe it, then everyone should too.

No, dear. Having an opinion doesn’t make you right. It just means you have a perspective—one of billions. And whatever your opinion might be, it doesn’t give you the right to dictate how others should think, feel, live, or exist.

We’ve got entire laws that are rooted more in personal belief than actual logic or care for others. I don’t want to go full soapbox here, so I’ll just say this: personal values should not be public rules. And if your “truth” requires controlling someone else’s life, it’s not truth. It’s ego. Or fear.

8. Labeling basic decency as “exceptional.”

“He’s such a great dad—he actually spends time with his kids!”

You mean he’s doing what every parent should be doing?

“He cried in front of her and she didn’t judge him. She’s so sweet!”

When did being compassionate and caring become a rare gift and not something every human being should do?

“They hired someone despite their disability.”

No, they just recognized the person’s qualifications without bias. That’s not exceptional; that’s equality.

When we over-celebrate the bare minimum, we set the bar on the floor. People should be recognized for true kindness, not just for being a human who isn’t terrible. Respect, empathy, integrity—these shouldn’t be shocking. They should be normal.

Save the standing ovations for acts of actual courage and kindness, not just for people who manage to behave like functioning adults.

We’ve normalized some seriously questionable behavior, and honestly, I kind of blame social media a little. Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s okay. The world doesn’t need more people who fit in—it needs more people who call stuff out.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D