You know what’s exhausting? Mentally rehearsing conversations that will never happen.

You know what else is exhausting? Taking everything as a personal attack.

Someone didn’t say hi? They must hate you. A friend didn’t respond to your text? They’re obviously ghosting you. Your boss didn’t say “great job”? They’re going to replace you with someone younger, smarter, and who has better hair.

Nope. Not even close.

This might sound mean, but I honestly don’t mean it in mean way: Most people are too busy dealing with their own drama to be thinking about you. And once you stop taking things so damn personally, life gets a lot better.

What actually happens when you chill the hell out?

#1: You save so much emotional energy.

No more imaginary arguments in the shower. No more decoding texts like you’re cracking enemy intel in WWII. No more letting other people live rent-free in your head.

Instead, you get peace of mind. You start living in the moment. And you finally get to put down that constant sense of dread you’ve been dragging around like a carry-on.

#2: You don’t take on problems that aren’t yours.

Someone’s else’s issues are not your problem. Their tendency to get triggered, their self-esteem baggage, or their passive-aggression are not yours to fix.

It’s like those stories where someone is selling a PS5 online and the buyer lowballs them. When they say no, the buyer snaps back: “Wow. You just ruined my kid’s Christmas.”

Um, no. Other people’s guilt trips are not your burden.

#3: You stop being a people-pleaser.

When you realize not everything is about you, you also realize it’s not your job to fix every mess, smooth every bump, or explain yourself.

Maybe you went low-contact with your mom because of her toxic behavior—but guilt kept dragging you back. She cried about how she birthed you. Your aunt called you ungrateful. Your cousin sent you Bible quotes.

Boundaries aren’t betrayal. They’re survival.

#4: You get clarity, not chaos.

Instead of spiraling into “What did I do wrong?” you start asking the much more useful question: “Is this even my issue to deal with?” Most of the time, it’s not.

You stop assuming you’re the villain in someone else’s story and start realizing that sometimes, people are just messy. And moody. And projecting. Step back and say, “Not my circus, not my monkey.”

So how do you actually stop taking things personally?

#1: Learn to hit the pause button before you spiral.

Yes, you’re going to feel that initial gut-punch when someone insults you—tight chest, clenched jaw, that sudden what the hell?! feeling. But take a breath. Pause. Then ask yourself:

“Could this be about someone else and I was just the nearest target?”

“Is this person having a bad day, going through a difficult time, or just projecting?”

“Does this person’s opinion even matter? Am I really going to die wishing I had their approval?”

Reacting is easy. Not giving a flying you-know-what is power.

#2: Stop making up dramatic plot twists.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself having a full-blown imaginary argument in my living room—complete with hand gestures and comebacks—over something that hadn’t even happened. And I’d actually get angry, before realizing:

“Wait. This isn’t even real.”

Stop imagining worst-case scenarios. 99.9% of the time, it never happens. You’re not psychic—you’re stressed. And half the drama lives only in your head.

#3: Be okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea.

Some people just won’t vibe with you. That doesn’t mean you suck. It means they’re not your people. Rejection isn’t always personal, sometimes it’s just preference. Instead of worrying about why this person doesn’t like you, focus on the people who actually do.

#4: Build your self-esteem like a dam.

When your self-worth is reinforced from the inside, other people’s opinions can’t touch you. Their judgment bounces right off. Validate yourself first, so no one else gets the final word. How?

• Remind yourself of what makes you a badass.

• Celebrate your achievements, even the tiny ones.

• Quit replaying every mistake like a highlight reel.

• Talk to yourself like you’ve just met your favorite celebrity.

#5: Ask: What else could be true?

People are tangled up in their own mess. They’re stressed, overwhelmed, running on fumes—and sometimes, that spills out onto you. But that doesn’t mean they hate you. It might just mean they’re human.

So before you spiral, remind yourself: not everything is about you. Sometimes people are just dealing with their own storm—and you just happened to be standing nearby.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D