I knew a girl in college who used to speak in a baby voice. Intentionally. Full toddler dialect: “I’m tie-yerd,” “I’m tirs-ty,” and “I no wanna go.” Her boyfriend seemed to find it endearing—at least at the time—but I often had to resist the overwhelming urge to punch her right in the “mowt.”
We all have our quirks—the weird little habits that supposedly make us “unique.” But when you start using those traits to justify questionable behavior (“That’s just how I am”), it stops being charming and starts sounding like a cop-out. Our core personality doesn’t shift all that much over time—I once read that people either get 10% better or 10% worse—but that doesn’t mean you get to be 100% more unbearable.
This post isn’t here to destroy your entire personality. Just the parts you’ve lovingly labeled “cute” that are, let’s be honest, getting on everyone else’s nerves. Because what you find endearing, others likely don’t. Here are the top 6:
The “Brutally Honest” Truth-Teller
What you think you’re doing: Saying what everyone’s thinking. Or saying it because you care. People need to hear the truth, even if it hurts… right?
What you’re actually doing: You’re not helping—you’re just unloading your frustration. Honesty without tact is cruelty, plain and simple. You might think you’re being “real” or “kind,” but what you’re actually being is emotionally lazy.
What to try instead: Master the art of TTT: timing, tone, and tact. Before you speak the “truth,” ask yourself three things:
- Does this really need to be said?
- Am I the right person to say it?
- Is this the right time to bring it up?
If someone asks for your opinion—or you’re setting a necessary boundary because what the person is doing is negatively impacting your well-being—then yes, be honest. But be clear, not cruel. You’re not helping if the message gets buried under unnecessary harshness.
Example: “Your drinking has been making our nights out uncomfortable.”
Otherwise? Let people figure out their own mess. You’re not the Truth Fairy.
The “Lovable Flake”
What you think you’re doing: Being a free spirit, living in the moment. Or being a charming, loveable mess.
What you’re actually doing: You’re being unreliable. You ghost, cancel last minute, show up late (if at all), and call it your quirk. At best, it’s frustrating. At worst, it’s manipulative—especially if you’re doing it to avoid responsibility (otherwise known as “weaponized incompetence”).
What to try instead: Try doing what you said you’d do. Once. Then do it again. If committing to anything feels difficult to you, stop making promises you can’t keep. Go where the wind takes you—just don’t drag people into your tornado.
The “Over-Apologizer”
What you think you’re doing: Being polite, empathetic, and caring.
What you’re actually doing: You’re apologizing for existing—and it makes people uncomfortable. Plus, it dilutes your actual accountability when you do mess up. Humility is admirable, but not when you’re constantly using it as an opportunity to bash yourself.
What to try instead: Say thank you instead of sorry. “Thanks for waiting” instead of “Sorry I’m late.”
The “One-Upper”
What you think you’re doing: Relating a shared experience.
What you’re actually doing: Hijacking the conversation and making it all about you. They got promoted? You got a promotion and a raise and saved the company from bankruptcy. They broke their arm? Oh, that’s cute—you once shattered your knee in three places and still ran a 10K.
What to try instead: There’s this thing all the cool kids are doing… it’s called “listening.” Offer a sincere “Congrats!” or “That sucks!” and leave it at that. You’re impressive too—but not every moment needs to be your personal highlight reel. Let other people have the spotlight once in a while.
The “Constant Complainer”
What you think you’re doing: Just venting. Better out than in, right?
What you’re actually doing: Emotionally exhausting everyone within earshot. Nothing is ever good enough, life sucks, fate is cruel—and it’s everyone else’s fault.
What to try instead: Venting can be healthy—occasionally, to someone who’s given you the green light. But if every conversation turns into a monologue of doom, people will start ducking your calls. Try looking for the silver lining once in a while. And hey, if the same problems keep popping up… maybe it’s not just bad luck. Maybe it’s you? Perhaps it’s time to acknowledge your role in the chaos, because I can pretty much guarantee that you’re 99.9% responsible for what’s happening.
The “Devil’s Advocate”
What you think you’re doing: Encouraging critical thinking or finding holes in someone’s idea so they can make it better.
What you’re actually doing: Starting arguments for sport and ruining everyone’s fun. No one actually likes conflict. What some people do like is the adrenaline rush and/or the feeling of being right. Bottom line: You’re coming off as a jerk and people don’t want to be around you.
What to try instead: Just let people enjoy things without offering your two cents. Or, if you must dispute something, join a debate club.
The line between “fun quirk” and “annoying personality trait” is thinner than you think. Self-awareness isn’t about changing who you are, it’s about making sure who you are isn’t steamrolling everyone else.
Insightfull yours,
Queen D
