If I went door to door with a survey asking people how much they love it when their lives are in chaos, one of two things would probably happen:
- I would be told it’s a stupid question because, “No one chooses chaos, you idiot.”
- I would get punched in the face.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if both happened. Who in their right mind actually enjoys drama?
Well… turns out, some people kind of do. And you’ve probably met one (or maybe are one; we’ll find out later).
Drama can be addictive, and I’m not talking about binge-watching reality shows like “The Real Housewives of Whatever” or true crime documentaries. I mean addiction in the stress hormones and emotional rollercoaster kind of way. In a sort of gambling high kind of way.
Why and how does drama become addictive?
Reason #1: Biochemical Chaos
When you’re in the middle of a dramatic moment—an argument, a crisis—your body kicks into fight-or-flight mode, flooding you with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.
At first, this chemical rush feels awful. But over time, your brain can actually get used to that state. Even addicted to it. Why? Because:
- Adrenaline = intensity. It makes you feel alive, alert, engaged.
- Cortisol = discomfort. But over time, it can become familiar discomfort, leading me to reason #2.
Reason #2: Remnants of Trauma
If your early life was filled with emotional rollercoasters, your brain may have learned to equate chaos with normalcy—and calm with danger. It sounds backward, but think about it for a moment:
When chaos is what you’re used to, peace doesn’’t feel peaceful—it feels suspicious. Your nervous system might go:
“Something’s wrong. Where’s the tension? Is this a trick?”
And you can’t help but feel that at any point, the other shoe will drop and something bad will happen.
This is the emotional residue of trauma. Even if you’re no longer in a toxic environment, your brain may still be primed to expect danger. Not because you want to suffer, but because your system is trying to return to what is most familiar. Have you ever wondered why some people who win the lottery end up broke again? Sometimes even worse off than before? It’s because chaos, uncertainty, and fear were their normal. They’re so used to the stress and instability of poverty that peace and abundance feel unfamiliar… even uncomfortable. I remember being so stressed about having a new car that I only felt better when I dented it. This is why I can’t have nice things!
Reason #3: A Need for Attention
When you’re going through a tough time, people are likely to comfort you, listen to you, and do nice things for you. It feels good, doesn’t it? However, without realizing it, you may start to associate emotional chaos with being cared for.
You might not be faking your emotional struggle when you’re going through a tough time, but you might subconsciously (or yes, even consciously) milk it, because it gets you something you want: love and attention.
Reason #4: Escape Route
The idea of creating drama—and all the negative emotions surrounding it—in order to escape other negative emotions or problems seems odd, but for some people it works. Temporarily, at least. It’s the same reason why a person might resort to self-harm, because physical pain is easier to deal with than the drowning, suffocating depths of emotional pain. The distraction is immediate. Your focus shifts. And chaos suddenly becomes a coping mechanism.
Starting a pointless argument with your partner over dirty socks on the floor? That’s much easier than opening up about the lack of intimacy. Yelling at the grocery store cashier for overcharging you ten cents? A whole lot easier than sitting with the gnawing sense of emptiness in your life.
Drama gives you an outlet of sorts, a way to redirect some of those unpleasant feelings. It gives you a villain to direct your energy towards, a fire to put out. So when you’re busy managing external chaos, you don’t have to face the chaos going on inside.
Signs You Might be Addicted to Drama
No judgment here—just honesty. Read through the signs below and see if any of them sound like you.
- You’re always in crisis mode—your life is just one problem after another.
- You turn small issues into major meltdowns. In retrospect, they didn’t merit your strong reaction.
- You feel bored or restless when life is calm.
- Your relationships are intense, explosive, or “on-again, off-again.”
- You unintentionally stir up tension with gossip, passive-aggression, or testing people’s loyalty.
Breaking An Addiction to Drama
If any of these signs struck a chord then it’s time to break the cycle. Yes, drama can be like a jolt of emotional caffeine, but it’s also exhausting and destructive, especially to your relationships, your self-esteem, and your nervous system.
Step off the emotional rollercoaster, my friend. Here’s how:
Learn to recognize emotional patterns. Start noticing when you’re turning minor annoyances into full-blown reality show moments. Hit pause and ask yourself:
“Wait. Why am I doing this? Is this actually a big deal or am I bored, craving attention, or trying to avoid something?”
Awareness is the first step. Calling yourself out (gently) is the second.
Find better and healthier sources of stimulation. If your brain thrives on intensity, give it something productive to get excited about. Become an improv actor. Learn to kickbox. Buy a metal detector and look for pirate treasure.
Get comfortable with calm. At first, calm might feel boring, uncomfortable, or even suspicious. That’s okay. Sit with it anyway. Stillness is a skill, and your nervous system needs the rest. Peace doesn’t mean nothing is happening. It just means you’re not engaging chaos anymore.
Get into therapy, ASAP. Especially if your addiction to drama is rooted in trauma, abandonment, or long-term stress. A therapist can help you untangle that wiring and build healthier emotional coping strategies.
Calm isn’t boring. It’s freedom.
