Some friends are ride-or-die. Call them at 3 a.m. and they’ll show up, no questions asked, possibly with snacks. If you needed a blood transfusion, they’d either roll up their sleeve or start a donor search across the globe. Got a reckless idea? They’ll either talk you out of it or be waiting in the ER with a clean pair of underwear and moral support.

Other friends are your personal cheer squad. They celebrate your wins, pick you up when you crash and burn, and hype you up louder than anyone else. When your family was being awful, this was the friend who fed you lasagna and gave you sanctuary.

These are the good ones. The kind you keep.

And then… there are the others. The ones who don’t quite make the cut. The ones who chip away at your confidence, energy, or sanity.

Here are 5 friendship red flags that you really, really shouldn’t ignore, and that may require some bridge burning.

Red Flag #1: They only reach out when they need something.

You’ve helped them move, lent them money, played therapist after another breakup—and yet, when life is good, they vanish like a ghost. And if you ever ask for help? Suddenly they’re “really busy” or hit you with, “I need to focus on myself right now,” like you’re the one being unreasonable and needy.

What to do with this “friend”: Healthy friendships are a two-way street, not a toll road with one person always paying. Start flexing your “No” muscle. Expect some guilt-tripping or full-on tantrums when the gravy train stops, but don’t cave. If their version of friendship only works when you’re useful, then it’s not a friendship, it’s a business transaction—except they’re skipping out on the bill. Continue being assertive and watch them find someone else to leech off of.

Red Flag #2: They constantly make you the punchline.

Joking around with friends? Peak entertainment. Being the butt of the joke every single time? Exhausting.

This is the friend who always has a zinger about your love life, your job, your fashion choices—basically, your entire existence. They never turn that “brutally honest” wit on themselves, though. Why? Because deep down, they’re stewing in their own insecurity soup and using your flaws as floaties.

Bonus red flag: They’re the type to pull public “pranks” for TikTok clout. Word to the wise—if you’re not laughing, it’s not a joke. It’s bullying.

What to do with this “friend”: Real friends hype you up, not tear you down for laughs. Lay everything out on the table:

“Look, I’m not your punchline. If this friendship means anything to you, the jokes stop. Otherwise, so does this friendship.”

Brace yourself for gaslighting: “It’s just a joke!” or “You’re so sensitive!”

Translation: They know they crossed the line but would rather guilt you than own it. Don’t back down. If they can’t handle a boundary, they’re not a friend—they’re just a bully.

Red Flag #3: They compete instead of celebrate.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve accomplished—they always try to one-up you or find some flaw in your achievement.

Imagine you got a promotion. You’re excited. You share the good news. And they respond with:

“Must be nice to sell out for a fancy title.”
“Yikes, I hope the stress doesn’t eat you alive.”
“Cool. I’ve already peaked, so…”

Sound familiar? This isn’t friendship, it’s jealousy. Your wins make them insecure, so instead of cheering you on, they minimize your success or pivot to their own glory.

What to do with this “friend”: Friendship isn’t a scoreboard. If they can’t be happy for you, that’s their baggage, not yours. When they start competing, you’ve got two options:

Keep it light but reclaim your place in the spotlight:”Cool, glad you’re doing well too. Anyway, I’m excited—this new role means I can finally get an assistant.”

Or call it like it is:”Why is it so hard for you to be happy for me? I want friends who celebrate with me.”

If they double down, you’ve just confirmed the red flag. Friends don’t keep score—they cheer you on and make a toast in your honor.

Red Flag #4: They make you feel guilty for having boundaries.

Boundaries around a bull pen? Smart. Boundaries around a toxic friend? Even smarter.

Some people throw around the phrase “unconditional love” like it means “put up with someone’s crap forever.” Let me be clear: babies deserve unconditional love. So do pets. Grown adults? No.

If a friend makes you feel like the bad guy for setting basic limits—like not wanting 2 a.m. phone calls, “borrowing” stuff without asking, or being turned into Instagram content against your will— that’s not love, that’s manipulation.

What to do with this “friend”: Spell it out. Clearly, kindly, but firmly.

For example, when that friend asks for money—again: “I know money’s been tight lately, and I’ve helped when I could. But you haven’t paid me back, and it’s affecting my finances—and our friendship. I am not lending money until I see some follow-through.”

Then comes the Oscar-worthy guilt trip:

“Wow, I guess I’m not important to you anymore.”
“I would never do this to you.”
“You’ve changed.”

Translation? “I liked you better when you didn’t have boundaries.”

Hold the line. Real friends respect your limits. Users resent them. And if someone can’t handle hearing “no” without making you feel like a villain, that’s your cue to exit.

Red Flag #5: You don’t feel like yourself around them anymore.

You used to be confident. Light-hearted. But lately, around this friend, you’re more cautious. You might second-guess what you say or downplay your achievements. You feel like you’re constantly being judged, or like you need to keep up some kind of persona to avoid criticism, eye-rolls, or passive-aggressive “jokes.”

When you’re with the right people, you feel more you—not less. A good friend doesn’t require a personality filter. They  don’t make you feel like your quirks, dreams, or sensitivities are too much. If someone makes you feel like you’re always “too something” (too sensitive, too boring), the issue isn’t you—it’s the fact that your full self makes them uncomfortable.

Now, to be fair: If “being yourself” means being rude, critical, or walking around like your bad mood is everyone else’s problem, that’s not authenticity—it’s just bad behavior. There’s a difference between feeling free to be real, and using that freedom as a pass to be unpleasant. That makes you the red flag.

What to do with this “friend”:

Ask yourself: Do I like who I am when I’m with this person?

If the answer is “not really,” it may be time to pull back, spend some time apart, or let the friendship fade. You don’t need to send a dramatic farewell text or cut ties overnight. Just stop forcing the connection. You owe it to yourself to spend time with people who bring out the best in you—not the most filtered, watered-down version.

Red Flag #6: They gossip—a lot.

This friend is a walking tabloid. They always have the tea, and they’re always ready to spill it. At first, it might feel like you’re part of an exclusive inner circle—but here’s what you may not realize: If they gossip to you, they almost certainly gossip about you.

Gossip might seem harmless (or even entertaining), but it’s often a sign of deeper issues: insecurity, boredom, or the need to stir drama to feel important.

What to do with this “friend”: Set a boundary. The next time they start running someone else’s name through the mud, try:

“I’m not comfortable talking about them like this. Can we change the subject?”

Then watch what happens. If they respect your boundary, great. If they act offended or keep at it, consider how safe your secrets really are. You deserve friends who protect your name and reputation.

Remember: You don’t have to keep everyone in your life just because they’ve always been there. Also, red flags don’t mean instant breakups, but they do mean it’s time to reevaluate.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D