I was curious to learn about the most romantic gestures in history. The epic endeavor by Emperor Shah Jahan to build the Taj Mahal as a final resting place for his deceased wife is fairly well-known, but some of these may not be:

  • Richard Wagner, the man who composed “Ride of the Valkyries,” wrote the symphony “Siegfried Idyll” for his wife—and then played it the morning of her 33rd birthday, waking her from her sleep.
  • In 1940, British POW Horace Greasley would frequently escape from the concentration camp where he was being held to visit the woman he loved, Rosa Rauchbach.
  • And let’s not forget this oddly grand gesture by Ben Affleck: gifting Jennifer Lopez with… a jeweled toilet seat? Weird—and ouch.

Here’s the good news: you don’t have to do anything this grand—or weird—to improve your relationship. In fact, it’s often the small stuff, done consistently, that makes a real difference.

#1: Say the obvious things out loud.

You might think appreciation is automatically understood. It’s not.

If your partner does something helpful—even something routine—share your appreciation out loud.

  • “Thanks for picking me up.”
  • “I appreciate you letting me sleep in.”
  • “That really helped. Thanks.”

What doesn’t work is silently expecting your partner to “just know” you’re grateful—or that you love them. It’s so much nicer to hear it.

Remember, if you only speak up when something’s wrong, guess what your relationship starts to sound like? It’ll sound like what I imagine HOA emails sound like: really, really annoying.

#2: Actually listen.

Most people think they’re good listeners. I can assure you, most people are not—and I have actual data to prove it. The average score on Queendom’s Listening Skills Test is 68 out of 100—so plenty of room for improvement.

What we often do instead listening is wait for a pause so we can jump in with our own thoughts. Don’t deny it—I know you do this.

Real listening is:

  • Letting the other person finish without interrupting, no matter how badly you want to say something.
  • Giving your full attention—not watching TV or scrolling on your phone while they speak.
  • Watching your body language. You do realize your partner can see you when you roll your eyes, right?

Practicing these three things alone puts you in the 90th percentile. So, if you say stuff like, “That reminds me of…” or are already thinking of what to answer, you were not listening.

#3: Do small things without being asked.

Do one helpful thing a day without mentioning it. No announcement. No “by the way, I did this.” Just do it and move on. Fold the laundry. Put gas in your partner’s car. Make tea. Don’t be one of those “Instagram Samaritans” who feel the need to make their good deeds a grand production.

By the way, if you only help after being asked three times, you’re not helping.

#4: Put your phone down for at least an hour.

I’m always fascinated by couples on coveted “date nights” who spend the vast majority of the time on their phone. You see them in restaurants. Order food. Scroll. Eat. Scroll. Leave.

Remember those ancient times before cellphones? Where people talked, like, face to face? Try doing that a little more often. It’s a small shift, but it changes how connected you actually feel. If your phone knows more about your day than your partner does, that’s a huge problem.

#5: Do something that says “I thought of you.”

You don’t need grand romantic gestures of love. Sometimes the point is just: I thought of you.

  • Text an “I love you” message during the day.
  • Pick up your partner’s favorite snack while running errands.
  • Do a tiny thing that you know matters to them, even if it wouldn’t matter to you, like doing one of their annoying tasks just because you know they hate it.

These things take almost no effort but they carry a lot of weight, because they say: You were on my mind, even when you weren’t in front of me.

Most relationships don’t need a big fix. They need small, consistent effort in the right places. Noticing things. Following through. Speaking with a bit more care. Showing, in simple ways, that the other person matters. It’s not complicated—but it’s really easy to ignore. You don’t need to be perfect. Just be a little more intentional… and maybe a little less annoying.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D