I recently read a social media post where many people said they wouldn’t be celebrating the holidays with certain family members because of how they voted in the last election. Honestly, that might not be such a bad idea when you think about it. Can you imagine the dinner conversations? The tension would be so thick, you could hang ornaments on it.
The best analogy I can think of is this: it’s like sitting in a pitch-dark room lined wall-to-wall with ceiling-high stacks of dynamite, holding one of those old medieval torches. One wrong move, one poorly chosen word, and boom. The whole thing goes up in flames.
The holidays can be a fun time of year, but spending time with family can sometimes feel like walking through a field of candy canes with a few landmines scattered in between. Maybe your family also has clashing political views, unresolved grudges, or that topic that is totally taboo…when everyone is sober, that is.
My family is no different. So for this blog, I thought I’d prepare some straightforward, practical, and useful tips to survive—and perhaps even, dare I say it—enjoy the holidays.
Dos and Don’ts for Peaceful Family Holidays
DO: Set boundaries in advance.
Establishing boundaries ahead of time can prevent a lot of unnecessary arguments. So if you want certain topics to be off-limits (e.g., politics, religion, your love life, or Uncle Bob’s conspiracy theories), make it clear before hosting. A calm but firm comment like, “Let’s skip politics and focus on what we’re grateful for this year,” can redirect the conversation diplomatically. And as the host, you have the right to set rules. Remind anyone who disagrees with your boundaries that they can leave and celebrate elsewhere. It is your home, after all.
If, on the other hand, you’re a guest and the host isn’t keeping things peaceful and you can’t leave, here are a couple of tricks you can use to keep yourself sane:
- The Freudian Analysis.
Let’s say Uncle Bob has a tendency to get drunk and spout nonsense. For example, he acts like he knows more about your field of expertise than you do. Instead of letting his behavior get under your skin, take a deep breath and channel your inner Sigmund Freud.
In your best Austrian accent, analyze his behavior in your head (while outwardly just nodding and listening):
“Zis Onkel Bob, he has many complexes, ja? Deep down, he feels inferior, so he tries to act like he is very intelligent. It makes him feel better about himself.”
You might find yourself chuckling quietly, which takes the edge off your anger. You might even see Uncle Bob differently—not just as a know-it-all, but as someone with their own insecurities and struggles. Who knows? You might even feel a tiny bit of sympathy (or at least tolerate him a bit better).
- The Alien Talk Show
Now imagine aliens are watching us like a reality show. We’re their version of Big Brother or Real Housewives of Earth, and they’re eating their cosmic popcorn while shaking their heads at our quirks.
Picture the aliens commenting on Uncle Bob’s antics:
“By the stars, that Uncle Bob is a real zorblat! These Earthlings are hilariously clueless. What will he talk about next? Bigfoot? Flat Earth theories? Truly, this is peak entertainment!”
DON’T: Try to “Win” Arguments
Family debates often escalate into arguments no one can truly win. Instead of trying to convince Uncle Bob that his views are outdated, take the high road. Smile, nod, and remember that agreeing to disagree is a powerful tool. Sometimes, silence speaks volumes.
DO: Focus on shared joys.
Bonding over mutual interests is a great way to sidestep conflict. Bring out nostalgic board games, cook a favorite family recipe, or share old photos that everyone can laugh about. These moments remind you why you love (most of) these people in the first place.
DON’T: Dwell on old grudges.
The holidays aren’t the best time to hash out old wounds. If someone brings up a sore subject, try redirecting with humor or kindness. Say something like, “We’ll save that discussion for our get-together on February 30th.” This keeps the mood light and the focus on the present.
DO: Plan an exit strategy.
Have an escape plan if things start going south. Whether it’s a “dog that needs walking” or a well-timed phone call, having a graceful way to leave the room (or the house) can save you from awkward blowups.
DON’T: Overcommit.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to say no to hosting or attending every event. The holidays are about joy, not obligation. Politely decline with something like, “I’d love to join, but I need to prioritize some downtime this year.”
DO: Practice self-care.
Take breaks when needed. Whether it’s stepping outside for fresh air, sneaking away with a book, or indulging in that extra piece of pie, give yourself permission to recharge. A calm you is a kinder you.
DON’T: Feel guilty for celebrating on your own.
If spending time with family feels more draining than joyful, it’s okay to opt out. Celebrating on your own, with specific family members, friends, or even just your pet can be just as fulfilling. Light some candles, cook your favorite meal, and embrace the peace. The holidays are yours to enjoy, however you see fit.
A few more tips for a happy holiday:
- Have a neutral conversation starter ready. Avoid awkward silences by asking open-ended questions like, “I was having a debate with a friend. What would you consider the greatest invention of all time?”
- Limit alcohol if tensions run high. A little moderation can go a long way in keeping everyone civil.
- Know when to walk away. If a conversation turns toxic, politely excuse yourself. No explanation is needed beyond, “I am leaving.”
The holidays don’t have to be picture-perfect, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to endure unnecessary stress just because it’s family. Set realistic expectations, prioritize your well-being, and remember: it’s okay to put your peace first. Whether you’re celebrating with family, friends, or yourself, the goal is to end the season with your spirit intact.
Happy Holidays!
Queen D
