I’ve always loved the term “emotional baggage” because it’s such a perfect analogy for the offenses, grudges, and negative memories we carry around with us. And yes, we choose to carry them. When something amazing happens, we enjoy it in the moment and eventually let it go. But when something bad happens, we cling to it. We replay it endlessly in our minds, vent about how it ruined our life, and make it the topic of nearly every conversation. It’s what I love to call “building an emotional shrine.”

To be clear, I’m not talking about trauma here. Trauma leaves a deep imprint that often requires the guidance of therapy to process and heal. When I refer to emotional baggage, I’m talking about the day-to-day negativity we hold onto—lingering grudges, petty offenses, and unresolved frustrations that weigh on us more than we realize. These are the things that don’t need to define us but often do because we refuse to let them go.

Think of emotional baggage like a carrying around a backpack. At first, you carry around just a few items—that thing your mother said that hurt your feelings or your friend’s betrayal. Over time, it gets heavier. That friend or colleague who stole your idea, your “golden child” sibling, that constant belittling chatter in your head. Eventually, you’re so weighed down you can barely move on.

Letting go isn’t just a cliché, it’s survival. If something (or someone) is holding you back, it’s time to drop the weight. Here’s the trash that tends to pile up in our emotional backpack:

Toxic Relationship Baggage

The issue: People in your life who bring more harm than happiness. They belittle you, drain your energy, or make you feel like you’re not good enough.

My decluttering advice: Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. If you always end up in a bad mood, then this person is not worth your time. Set boundaries by limiting contact, being clear about your needs and what you will not tolerate, or changing how you interact with them, like avoiding certain topics, refusing to be pulled into arguments, or only meeting in group settings.

However, keep in mind that in some cases, you may need to cut ties completely, even with family. Walking away isn’t petty, it shows self-respect. You’ve heard the phrase, “You can’t choose your family.” I disagree. Relatives are the people who share your genetic makeup; family are the people who truly support and care for you. But “family” can consist of a close friend, your partner, your neighbor who always looks out for you, or even your pet.

Self-Doubt Baggage

The issue: That voice in your head that says, “I’m not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, thin enough, successful enough, etc.,” or, “Why even try? Something always goes wrong.” That voice is a liar.

My decluttering advice: Call that voice of self-doubt out. When self-doubt creeps in, ask yourself, “Is this true, or am I just scared, exaggerating, or jumping to conclusions?” Then, act in spite of the fear. Confidence grows when you take action, not when you wait to feel ready. And if you mess up, remind yourself that failure is always part of the process—ask anyone who has accomplished anything.

Bad Habits

The issue: Whether it’s scrolling mindlessly for hours, overcommitting, overeating, or procrastinating, bad habits rob you of your well-being.

My decluttering advice: Start small. Replace one bad habit with a better one. For example, swap 10 minutes of scrolling for a quick stretch in your living room. Or make it a point to eat more slowly, chewing more thoroughly and pausing between bites. It’s not about overhauling your entire lifestyle overnight; it’s about creating small habits that stick. Big changes can feel overwhelming and are often hard to maintain.

Grudges and Resentment

The issue: Holding onto anger can feel empowering at first. It’s a step up the emotional ladder from the helplessness and numbness that often accompany depression or anxiety. Anger can motivate action and give you a sense of control. However, if you hold onto it for too long, it starts to consume you. That initial spark of anger can turn into bitterness, cynicism, or even a desire for revenge. Instead of fueling positive change, the anger begins to weigh you down, keeping you stuck in negativity and preventing you from moving forward.

My decluttering advice: Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook for what they did to you; it’s about freeing yourself. You don’t have to forget, but letting go of the grudge means taking back your power, energy, and life and focusing on what matters.

Unrealistic Expectations

The issue: Whether it’s expecting perfection from yourself or others, it’s almost guaranteed to lead to disappointment. Perfectionism sets an impossible standard that no one can consistently meet, leaving you feeling frustrated or inferior.

Striving for excellence, on the other hand, is about putting in your best effort, learning, practicing, and improving over time. It allows for growth and progress, while perfectionism demands flawlessness and punishes mistakes. Excellence builds confidence; perfectionism destroys it. Focus on progress, not perfection.

My decluttering advice: Adjust your perspective. Perfection doesn’t exist, but progress does. Celebrate small wins and accept that sometimes good enough really is good enough.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D