“What am I doing wrong?”

It’s my little habit. I’ll drag myself to bed after falling asleep in front of the TV, hopeful that it’ll be one of those rare nights where I’ll actually sleep through without waking up. But there I was, wide awake, staring at the ceiling, my cat a furry bump under the covers next to me. And if she’s asleep, it usually means that it’s really, really late.

I just can’t shut my brain off at night. I find myself meandering through the Hoia Baciu forest that is my thoughts, with one nightmarish scenario after the other. So I lay there, asking myself the same questions as always: “What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I accomplish what I want in my life?”

I always feel like I am on the brink of something, that I’m within touching distance of achieving my desires, but they always seems to stay just out of my reach. Like running down a corridor and only catching the tail-end of the person you are chasing as they round the corner.

I want to be one of those people who has an epiphany or who meets a mentor that changes their life forever.  I want to hear some magical words of wisdom that turn a switch on in my brain and all of a sudden, I’ll be enlightened.

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So what am I doing wrong? Why are some people so ridiculously, annoyingly happy, like that woman at my hairdresser’s last week, all sweet and bubbly and giggly, who loves everything about herself and her life as she eats another doughnut. I’m never sure how to interact with people like this. It’s like a rare bird incessantly chirping outside my window: Cute, sweet, and slowly but surely wearing on my nerves. I don’t want to make them unhappy. I just want them to stop waving their happiness around in my face— or to tell my how they got to be so damn content.

Well, according to statistics from Queendom’s Life Satisfaction Test, here’s what these giddy, blissful people are doing:

  • 57% are part of a social club, team, or community group. This has allowed them to bond with other people and create a strong sense of belonging and a greater understanding of humanity. If socializing isn’t your thing, 69% of happy people have a hobby that they engage in on a regular basis.
  • 58% exercise regularly or otherwise live a healthy lifestyle. Essentially, taking care of their physical health has contributed to their emotional and psychological well-being. And, of course, the endorphins likely helping too.
  • 65% make it a point to tantalize their senses—they try new foods, stroll through museums, listen to crickets chirp at night, sit outside to watch the stars, etc. So if you need an excuse to get a massage or have a spa day, here it is.
  • 70% make it a point to set aside some time each week to just have fun. So all those adults who tell you to stop playing video games and watching cartoons because “you’re not a kid anymore” are all wrong. This weekend, make yourself a big bowl of your favorite cereal, stay in your pajamas, and watch cartoons all day.
  • A whopping 99% of happy people have objectives and aspirations that they want to accomplish. That means contentment doesn’t necessarily come once you’ve gotten that promotion, relationship, or BMW. It means keeping busy and continuously working towards something that makes you happy. Sound strange? Think about this: Why do so many recently retired people get restless after a while? Or why is an unproductive rut so demoralizing? Idleness is fun for a little while, but we always end up craving something new.
  • Not surprisingly, 96% of happy people take pleasure in life’s small joys, like watching a sunrise, petting a furry friend, reading, listening to the sound of the rain hitting the window, and literally stopping to smell roses.

“I have lived with several Zen masters – all of them cats.”

Eckhart Tolle

A lot of the stuff mentioned above can be pretty easy to implement in your life. For example, you can set a goal for yourself tomorrow and it need not be complicated (e.g., climbing Mount Everest vs. finally cleaning out the garage). These next few tips, however, require a little more effort and dedication.

Here’s what else the happy people in our sample do:

  • They refuse to dwell on disappointments and failures. They learn what they can from their mistakes and then try again.
  • They try to find something positive in difficult situations. Even if they are forced to deal with something that they will have to cope with for the rest of their lives (e.g., illness, loss of a loved one), they still see it as an opportunity to grow and learn.
  • They release emotional baggage and let go of the past, focusing on what they can change instead of dwelling on what they can’t. Unsurprisingly, 77% of unhappy participants in our study reported feeling weighed down by guilt or regret. As a wise friend once said, “Guilt and regret are a waste of energy.” This doesn’t mean you should ignore remorse—it serves an important purpose by helping you acknowledge mistakes and avoid repeating them. Seek forgiveness when needed, and whether or not it’s granted, focus on forgiving yourself. Commit to doing better moving forward.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D