I hate that feeling…that feeling I had last week when I thought I had left my flat-iron on. Or not being sure whether I locked my front door, my car door, or turned off my headlights on. I’ll think to myself that I’m probably the only person who worries about this ridiculous minutia, and then I’ll be at my hairdresser, and 12 people will pipe in with, “Oh my God, I do exactly the same thing!”

When I asked friends and family to send me ideas for funny quirks that everyone has, I was not disappointed. So here’s a list of the interesting and funny quirks that make us oh so human:

  • When going up a dark staircase, you walk a little faster because years of watching horror movies has conditioned you to believe that someone is walking beyond you, ready to grab you.
  • When you’re listening to someone tell a story, you almost always end up thinking of one of your own – and want nothing more than for the other person to finish telling their story as quickly as possible so you can tell yours.
  • You get a little antsy when a cashier rings up your total as $13.13 or $6.66. (When this happened to a colleague of mine, she grabbed the closest and cheapest impulse item and added it to her purchases so that her total would change).
  • You have a song that you secretly listen to when you’re alone, but openly mock when you’re with friends.
  • You forget to wear deodorant, and panic that others will smell it. The panic only makes you sweat more and then worry more, creating a vicious, smelly cycle.
  • When you’re out with someone and they go to the restroom, you purposely grab your phone and pretend to be looking at something important because you don’t want people to think you’re there alone.
  • You (and everyone else who is with you) refuse to take the last chip/cookie/roll/hors d’oeuvre on the plate because you don’t want others to think you’re rude.
  • You’re watching something boring on TV and decide to change the channel, only to realize that the remote control is too far (or what you think is too far because you’re just so comfortable). Instead of getting up, you continue to watch the boring show.
  • You’re too embarrassed to ask someone to repeat themselves (because you didn’t understand the first two times), so you simply nod and smile.
  • You re-watch movies you saw as a kid and realize they’re not as funny or as good as you thought they were.
  • You look through old pictures of yourself and can’t help but say, “God, what was I thinking” at least once.
  • You finally come to the humbling yet annoying realization that all the stuff you learned in school really didn’t come in handy in real life, despite your teachers’ insistence. I’m looking at you, Roman numerals.
  • You end texts or instant messages with an emoticon or “lol” because you don’t know what else to say.
  • You freak out during multiple choice tests when four answers in a row all come out as C.
  • You revel in that one Saturday night that you get to spend alone. You don’t shower, you wear clothes you wouldn’t wear in public, and burp/pass gas with impunity.
  • You check the time but forget three seconds later what time it was.
  • You get genuinely upset when they kill off your favorite character in a movie, TV show, or book. (I actually closed Anne Rice’s Memnoch the Devil when she “killed off” my favorite character, Armand. I only finished reading it when my friend reassured me he’d be back in the next book).
  • You want nothing more than to shut a game off when your team is losing, but then reconsider because that’s what poser fans do – and nothing is worse than a poser fan.
  • That one day you decide to head to the store in sweats you inevitably run into an ex or someone you hated in high school.
  • You walk into a room and forget why you’re there.
  • You stub your toe and get mad at the furniture.
  • You press the up or down button several times because you think it will make the elevator arrive faster.
  • You drop a liquid on the floor but are too lazy to grab a dishcloth, so you dry it with your socks.
  • When you trip on a step you casually pretend like it never happened.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D