If you’ve ever said, “Same sh*t, different day” in response to someone asking, “How are you?” I feel you.

Some days feel like crap. String several of those days together—or weeks, or decades—and it can feel like the universe freaking hates you. As a friend once put it, “I must have done some terrible things in my previous life, because what the hell.”

When someone says, “Life isn’t supposed to be easy all the time,” my thought is always, “Why the heck not?!” But I totally get it. Stuff will happen that will hurt, enrage, and blindside you—and even make you feel like an asteroid wiping out humanity might not actually be a bad thing. So I’m not going to try to sell you the idea that every day should feel peaceful, wonderful, and sunshiny.

However, if your life feels like a constant struggle—if even basic things feel hard—it may be worth asking what is making everything feel so exhausting.

So let’s look at some reasons life may feel like a constant struggle.

You’re carrying way too much at once.

Sometimes, we don’t realize how heavy life has become. Work is stressful, but we call it “normal.” Money is tight, but you’re managing. You’ve got family responsibilities, but who doesn’t? You’re behind on errands, laundry, and basic human maintenance, but hey, at least nothing is on fire.

Except maybe you.

The problem is that stress adds up. One responsibility is mostly manageable. Two or three are okay, but getting tough. Ten responsibilities and a lack of sleep on top of it? That’s a burden. No wonder you’re tired.

Sometimes life feels like a constant struggle because you’re not carrying one big obvious burden. You’re carrying a backpack full of bricks, and every brick keeps saying, “Come on, carry me. I’m not that heavy.”

You expect yourself to function like nothing is wrong.

There’s a weird thing that happens in your brain when your life is a dumpster fire but you keep smiling like you’ve just won the lottery. That mental discomfort, that dissociation, is called cognitive dissonance. Your thoughts and behavior clash, like stripes and polka dots. Nurses often experience it—they see death every day, but have to keep working and caring, like nothing happened.

If your phone battery is at 8%, you’re not going to stream a movie, right? That would be dumb. But when yourpsychological bandwidth is at 8%, you expect yourself to work, cook, clean, exercise, socialize, make decisions, and be your charming self while doing it.

Well, at some point, something is gonna give.

You may become irritable, forgetful, discouraged, more avoidant, or more sensitive, because you’re trying to function without enough emotional, mental, or physical fuel.

Your boundaries are way too generous—or lacking.

Do you have a friend who is always in a crisis, a mother-in-law who shows up uninvited, or a boss who expects more than your role requires? All these situations require boundaries.

Loose boundaries make life harder because they give people the right to take your time, energy, and patience whenever they want. You become the reliable one, the understanding one, the bigger person, or the one who “doesn’t mind.” Except you do mind. You just don’t say it.

Boundaries do not magically remove all stress, but they do help you stop treating every person’s request like a command.

You’re allowed to say:

“I can’t do that.”

“I need time to think.”

“I’m not available.”

“That doesn’t work for me.”

Life becomes much harder when you keep living as if everyone else’s comfort matters more than yours.

(If you need tips on how to set and protect boundaries, check out this blog post. You can also check out the Assertiveness Test.)

You’re following rules—or beliefs—you never questioned.

“I should be further ahead in life by now.”

“I should be able to handle this.”

“If I don’t do this, I will disappoint so many people.”

“Rest has to be earned.”

“If I don’t do everything perfectly, people will judge me.”

Some rules we learn in childhood. Some came from our culture, school, work, religion, social media, or past relationships. But not every rule needs to be followed.

Whenever one of these thoughts, beliefs, or rules pops into your head, ask yourself:

• Who taught me this?
• Is it actually true?
• Is it helping me live better?
• Does it make me happy?
• Would I say this to someone I love?

If the answer is no, then stop following those rules.

You think struggle is a flex, a badge of honor.

Here’s something I absolutely want you to take away from this blog:

Suffering is not noble. It doesn’t make you saintlier, more special, or more deserving of care. Most of the time, it’s entirely unnecessary.

Here’s something else—and it will sound odd: some people are so used to struggling that they make it a way of life. They don’t trust help. If you offer them a solution, they’ll explain why it won’t work. If something could be easier, they become suspicious of it. Struggle becomes familiar. Familiar becomes normal.

But why would anyone hold on to struggle?

Not because they enjoy it. More often, it’s because struggle gives them something they may not know how to ask for directly:

• Love, care, and attention they don’t normally receive
• Permission to rest without feeling lazy
• A sense of importance or purpose
• A reason not to make a scary change
• A familiar role: the one who endures, sacrifices, or keeps going no matter what
• A way to avoid the discomfort of receiving help

And this is where cognitive dissonance comes in again. You may genuinely want life to feel easier, while also rejecting the very things that could make it easier. That’s a hard pattern to break.

How to Break the Struggle Pattern

Start small. Ask yourself:

• What am I carrying that I don’t need to carry alone?
• What have I been avoiding because it feels too uncomfortable?
• What belief am I living by that may not actually be true?
• What would make this task 10% easier?
• Where am I saying yes when I need to say no?
• What support would actually help, even if asking for it feels awkward?

The goal here is to stop making hard things harder. Sometimes it means asking for help, setting a boundary, saying no more often, or admitting you’re overwhelmed.

Find a moment of peace in the middle of suffering, and ask yourself, “What is making this harder than it needs to be?”

If you want to understand how well you cope when life feels relentlessly difficult, check out the Hardiness Test. Hardiness is about how you respond to stress, setbacks, pressure, and uncertainty—not by pretending everything is fine, but by looking at whether you feel capable of adapting, finding meaning, and taking action when life gets messy. Because while you can’t control every problem that lands in your lap, you can learn a lot from how you tend to respond when life starts feeling like one long uphill climb.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D