I don’t jump on my soap box very often, but I can’t say enough about the importance of having strong, solid self-esteem. Self-esteem forms the basis of every decision you will make—the type of people you become friends with, your choice of career and partner, and even the way you dress.
As women age, they are more likely to understand the importance of self-respect. They also know not to put much stock in glossy magazines displaying seemingly perfect bodies, or to allow the media to dictate how they should feel about themselves. For younger women however, these are lessons that still need to be learned.
In my analysis of the 7,287 women who took our Emotional Intelligence Test, I discovered a distinct disparity in how younger and older women feel about themselves. Self-esteem, which is a major facet of emotional intelligence, appears to play a significant role in how wome make decisions, cope with challenges, and create their identity.
Here’s what the data revealed:
- 35% of women under the age of 40 have a hard time recognizing their strengths (compared to 18% of women over 40).
- 30% constantly doubt themselves (compared to 17% of women over 40).
- 22% harshly criticize and/or insult themselves when they make a mistake or fail (compared to 11% of women over 40).
- 19% change their attitude, behavior, or appearance in order to please others (compared to 10% of women over 40).
- 43% are not comfortable asking for want they want, like a raise, time off, etc. (compared to 32% of women over 40).
- 33% suffer from “Impostor Syndrome” (the belief that they do not deserve success or did not earn their accomplishments), and worry that others will see them as frauds (compared to 18% of women over 40).
- 21% feel threatened when dealing with someone who is very assertive (compared to 15% of women over 40).
- 23% don’t feel confident about a decision unless others approve of it (compared to 11% and 6% of women over 40, respectively).
“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”
Maya Angelou
Every decade or so, the definition of “beauty” shifts, forcing women to scramble to keep up. Those who don’t fit the mold (and even those who do but can’t see it) are left drowning in feelings of inadequacy. The result? A self-esteem that’s both fragile and volatile, ready to crack under pressure. But it’s not just about appearances. Self-esteem bleeds into every corner of life, shaping how we see ourselves at our core.
The point to remember, however, is that we can’t blame the media for acting as a mirror reflecting back our own complexes. As someone who suffered with very low self-esteem for many years, I must underline the importance of teaching girls from a young age—at home and at school—that their sense of worth is not tied into their looks, their choices, or their accomplishments. Instead of learning how to make pizza or sew a pair of shorts in Home Economics, I would have preferred to have learned how to love myself. I wanted to be taught how to recognize that I am special simply for being who I am, and for having the courage to be myself.
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a women being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfect. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
Steve Marboli
Insightfully yours,
Queen D
